If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

If this year has taught us anything, it’s that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen

He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

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What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

In the future, Donald Trump passes away from a heart attack.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as yo...

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What’s the difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?

Biden actually pulls out after promising to

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree?

Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.

Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for

He said 'Genius'

I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump

but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

Donald Trump was the President of United States

It’s not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. This joke is 50 years ahead of its time.

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

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All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

There's a term for guys like Donald Trump.

But apparently not 2 terms.

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What’s the difference between the New England Patriots, Donald Trump, and a prostitute?

Someone likes the prostitute!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There may be some validity to the sexual assault claims against Donald Trump.

After this election, it is clear he doesn't take no for an answer.

I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer...

...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.

I don’t know why Donald Trump wants four more years.

He can’t even handle 60 minutes.

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US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

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Donald Trump is president. I think if George Washington were alive today, he'd look around and say, "What the fuck is going on? "

"How am I still alive?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

Just made up a joke and it’s brilliant! What does Donald trump and a Mac book pro have in common?

They aren’t PC

Why did Donald Trump hire Van Helsing?

To stop the Count.

Why is Mario jealous of Donald Trump?

Because he has been in peach twice now

You can all pray for Donald Trump if you want but ...

I'm going to stand back and stand by.

When Donald Trump dies...

He's gonna lie still...

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

Despite what his detractors say, Donald Trump accomplished what no other U.S. President was able to do.

He got himself impeached. TWICE.

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

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What do you get if you mix Donald trump and a jew

Orange juice

As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term.

His Covid19 test result.

Donald Trump walks into a bar

......
and set it lower

Donald Trump just turned 73

which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

Ryan Reynolds, Randall Park, Birdy, Daisy Ridley, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Evans, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Taylor Swift, and Donald Trump are playing Among Us.

They start by picking a color.

Trump declares he is Orange: “ I will be Orange because that’s my skin color!”

Daisy then adds, “If you wanna ridicule yourself then fine, I’ll pick blue.

Taylor Swift: “Cyan for the sky.”

Mark Ruffalo: “Hulk green, Hulk pick GREEEEEEN!”
...

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Govern...

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Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

Why will the U.S. Post Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp?

Because 60 percent of Americans would spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side.

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it’s the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

What's Donald Trump's favourite drink?

impeached ice tea

Donald Trump claims he won the election by a landslide

How else would you describe his campaign other than a ‘natural disaster’?

Someone has spray painted a swastika on Donald Trump's star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The police are still trying to figure out if it was a supporter or an opponent.

A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

What are a user, a snoozer, and a sore loser.

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.

As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.

Donald Trump is walking along a beach

He stumbles over an old bottle, he picks it up and pulls the cork.
With a flash of light and a puff of smoke a Genie appears before him.

"Thank you Donald for releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you any 1 wish"

Trump immediately blurts out "I want a Dragon like from game of t...

Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19.

Looks like RBG won her first case before God.

An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....

"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"

Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are in a boat, and the boat sinks. Who is saved?

The United States of America.

What did all of Donald Trump's closest friends say to him at Christmas?

I beg your pardon.

You know that I can tell Donald Trump has never finished a novel...

He can't get past chapter 11

How are Donald Trump and a jack o' lantern alike?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out the first week of November.

The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God

"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".

The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
...

Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks

I heard Donald Trump is going to host a new game show!

It’s going to be called “Who wants to sue a Millionaire?”

Why is Donald Trump happy about the impeachment result?

Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.

Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.

The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.

Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.

After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advi...

After passing away, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a interview with God.

God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers, "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

God is impressed by Bush and tells him, "Great , come sit on the chair on my right"

Next, God asks Obama, "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers, "I be...

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

Donald Trump WILL be president next year...

For about 19 days.

What’s Donald Trump’s most favorite album?

The Wall.

A Veterans Day Joke: If Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House...

They should just rename it Viet Nam and see how fast he leaves.

Donald Trumps recent actions are unprecedented...

For somebody who's just been un-presidented.

In tragic news, Donald Trump's personal library has burned down

Now he will never find out if the caterpillar ever got a good meal

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

I finally figured out why Donald Trump is orange.

He lives in a Fanta Sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson,Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing..

Boris Johnson, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing on the North Sea coast .

Boris Johnson starts to brag while looking at the Water : „We British have the best submarines in the World. Our subs can be submerged under water for over one month without refueling!“

Merkel is looking...

Donald Trump is 74

The 7 is silent.

Donald trump is having tea with the queen in Buckingham palace.

When Trump brings up the topic of telling which politician is intellegent, the queen calls for boris johnson to come into the room. A minute later, Boris opens the door and walks in. The queen asks him, "Your mother has a child that isn't your brothers or your sisters. Who is this?". Boris thinks f...

Donald Trump was due to get circumcised

But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ?

The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.

Donald Trump's COVID test was the first thing he got a positive score on

And even then, he didn't understand the material

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, take...

Where does Donald Trump like to do his shopping?

Traitor Joe's.


^(Gotcha!)

Donald Trump has announced a new healthcare plan that's named after himself.

It's called DonT Care.

Why can't you circumcise Donald Trump?

Because there's no end to that prick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Jason Voorhees?

Both are scary people but Jason knows how to wear a mask!

Donald Trump and his wife Melania have tested positive for coronavirus.

I didn’t realise they were that close!

So a few days ago Donald Trump decided to go campaign in Florida.

He wanted to make sure he gets the Floridian vote. So he went to a home for senior citizens - what they call a home for assisted living.

As we walked in, he encountered what looked like a 95 year old woman and he looks at her and says, "Do you know who I am?"

And she says, "Son, I don...

Joe biden enters the white house. Donald trump says "you don't have the right to take the presidency from me!"

Joe Biden responds: "perhaps not, but I do have the left!"

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, the Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane losing altitude and there are only 3 parachutes...

Vladimir Putin jumps up and declares, “I am the smartest Russian in the world! My people need me! I will not die here!” Then he grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane before anyone can say anything in response.

Watching intently and taking notes the entire time Putin was speaking Donald T...

Donald Trump must play Mario Kart.

Because he was in the lead but got hit by something blue at the end of the race.

Donald Trump’s latest strategy to win back the White House is...

...to change his name to Joe Biden

Maybe we should start believing Donald Trump about election fraud

Because nobody knows more about fraud than donald trump.

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

Donald Trump is so far behind in the polls...

....it reminds me of the night he won the Presidency.

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back...

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

Donald Trump’s lawsuits are like his regular suits,

They all hang on something useless.

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

I honestly hope President Donald Trump gets better.

And I hope he recovers from Coronavirus as well.

Why was Melania so excited when Donald Trump became president

Because she can call herself the first lady instead of the third wife

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's absurd to compare Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler

Hitler volunteered for the army.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs ove...

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

I used to be a body guard for Donald Trump

One day, an assassination attempt took place, and when the man tried to shoot, I shouted "Mickey Mouse!".

After the attempt, Trump asked why I shouted Mickey Mouse, to which I replied "sorry, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck!'"

What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt all have in common?

The wall.

What’s Donald Trump’s favorite bird?

Pigeon, they’re always saying coup coup coup.

I don't know if I should believe the reports that Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19.

It might be fake news.

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I...

Why is Donald Trump like an infomercial?

The product is cheap and it doesn't work. And when he's on TV, you can't wait for it to be over.

So donald trump went to visit the queen of England the other day...

Donald trump went to visit the queen of England the the other day, he says to her:

I'd like to change the name of the united states to the empire of the united states."

and she says "no I'm sorry sir, for you to have an empire you'd need to be an emperor, and you sir are no emperor."...

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

Donald Trump is a brilliant campaigner.

He's the only person who could get Biden elected.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you put Donald Trump and a female sex crazed donkey in the same room?

Nothing. Even donkeys have standards.

Mike Pence and Donald Trump walk into a steakhousehouse...

After a long night of campaigning in Nebraska Donald Trump and Mike Pence end up at Outback Steakhouse, where they are seated alone.

The waiter approaches with pen and pad, and asks "What can I get for you gentlemen tonight?"

"I'll take the New York Strip, well done. Can't stand the s...

What did Roger Stone say when he bumped into Donald Trump?

Pardon me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell Donald trump has fake hair?

Is that your final answer?

>!Dude holds all press conferences next to a fucking helicopter and his hair doesn’t move!<

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