UPJOKE
sojournstayabidenathanalexstanleycsmarytarrylingerabodelaistondtajikistanbide

Stan Jokes

Stan and Eddy go fishing

Near Corner Brook.....

They drop the 14' aluminum boat in a nice local lake, fire up the 9.9 and go looking for a good spot.

After several hour of no bites they finally find a shoal and start catching fish.

After a bit Stan says to Eddy" I need to go to the can, we need to go ...

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

Stan Makes Two Wishes

Genie: I will grant you two wishes.

Stan: I wish I was Rich.

Genie: granted

Rich: I wish I had a lot of money

In honor of Stan Lee, my one and only Stan Lee joke.

Did you know that Stan Lee original wrote Tony Stark to be FEmale?

So Stan,Ben and Phil walked into a bar

Bartender says, Mr Dup, Mr Dover and Mr McGroin! What can I get for ya?

The hospital that my son is staying at got the Avengers to visit him.

He’s also going to see Stan Lee next week!

R.I.P. Stan Lee

Dying: The final thing Jack Kirby did first, but Stan Lee gets all the attention for.

I wouldn't be too worried about Stan Lee dying...

Marvel will just resurrect him in a few issues

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan and Dave, two avid golfers were on the 7th hole one day

And a large funeral procession passed by on the nearby road.
Stan interrupted his putting, respectively took of his hat and lowered his head as the hearse and mourners cars passed.
Dave very surprised at this, followed suit, admiring his friend's actions.
When it had passed, Dave said "Stan...

I'm going to miss Stan Lee

He was a marvel

New announcement about Stan Lee's funeral

It will feature a cameo appearance by Stan Lee.

There once was a poet named Stan...

...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into th...

Recently found out that Stan Lee was an exceptional hockey player.

His very first practice and he already had the Stanley Cup..

Stan lee died and Kanye is still alive and well.

Now that’s a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was this guy named Stan

There was this guy named Stan that played a guitar, but he had a bit of a problem. He would get a hard-on every time he played it, so he decided to see a doctor. The doctor asked him to demonstrate the "problem". He began playing his guitar and before he knew it the doctor stopped him and said: It's...

What is Eminem’s favorite website?

OnlyStans

Have you heard about Stan lee's new marvel villains?

"The Accusers"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stanley...

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, a...

Did you hear about Danny Welbeck's bomb disposal expert brother.

Stan Welbeck.

Stan and May went to the carnival like every other year...

And every year

Stan would see the attraction he wanted to go

But May would always say: "It's 10 dollars,and 10 dollars is 10 dollars"


The operator of the attraction overhead what they said and went to them and said : "I'll make you a deal, I'll let you go on the ride for fre...

My name's Stanley, but my friends call me Stan...

So no one calls me Stan

What did the Spanglish Stan Lee say to the matador before the bullfight?

Excel, Señor!





RIP Stan Lee

[NSFW] Stan had a short father and a tall mother.

As child, he was always worried that he'd be short. So when he hit his growth spurt and became quite tall, he was very happy. Every time he would see a family member they would say *"Look how tall you are, you must get it from your mom!"*

With his considerably large stature came his considera...

Just saw a post about Stan Lee, Avicii, Stephen Hawking and Burt Reynolds.

It was a rip-post.

Teacher came to Jack's desk

-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.

-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.

-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

...That $800

A woman was taking a shower, in the upstairs bathroom, she gets finished and puts on a towel over her.

Her husband takes a shower right after her. When the husband walks in to take a shower the doorbell rings.

So the woman goes to answer the door ... It is there next door neighbor (S...

A world wide law for sailors

A new world wide law is issued for all the sailors in the world: they need to go and get all the children they conceived outside their marriage.

Stan, a sailor from San Francisco, came out to his wife and told her that besides the three children they had together, he has three more around the...

Football in Heaven

Two old men, Bert and Stan, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about Football. Bert turns to Stan and asks, "Do you think there's Football in Heaven?"
Stan thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if ther...

Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby.

Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christmas Party

Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost to...

Quick thinking

Stan was a farmer in Florida. When he retired, he spent some time cleaning up one of the ponds on his farm. He brought in some picnic tables, put in a horseshoes court, and planted some fruit trees. It was a lovely spot for family gatherings and what have you and Stan took great care of it. One...

What does the actor who plays Bucky Barnes have in commom with his overzealous supporters?

They're all Sebastian stans.

How did I get out of Afghanistan?

Iran.

Champion Nails is in trouble.....

Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend - Chester, how things are not going well and...

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

Why did the Turkey cross the road at the cattle farm?

Because it couldn’t stan the bul

I dont like Dream fans

I just can't stan them.

Why are people from Central Asia so obsessed with Eminem?

Because Afghan is stan.

Two Elderly Couples Were Having Dinner...

...when one of the men says to the other man of the group, "Hey Stan, tell us about the college course you recently took!" Stan looks up from his dinner and says, "Oh, it was great! It was a memory class to help me to remember things better."


"Did it work?" the other guy asks.

...

50 bucks is 50 bucks.

Lois and Stan have been married for 35 years and every year they go to the state fair when it's in town. This year they have a new ride called 'The Helicopter ride'. $50 for a ride in the helicopter for 25 minutes. Stan really wants to ride it so he asks his wife if they can go. She declines say...

Did you hear about Marvel wanting to buy the NHL?

They want to rename the championship trophy, The Stan Lee Cup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once an old postman...

...whose name was Stan. Stan had had a robust career delivering mail in a small town for over 45 years, and decided to retire. On his final day of work, the families on his route all decided to give him presents to show their appreciation. At the first house, the McKinsleys gave him a very nice set ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers went to go and visit a child in the hospital on Friday.

The lucky kid gets to meet Stan Lee on Saturday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old guys are hanging out in the nursing home

They're old friends, and every day they sit together and shoot the breeze.

One day, Bob, the 70 year old, says "You know, I don't mind getting old. I can still play golf, flirt with the ladies - life's good! But you know what I miss? I miss peeing. Lord, I haven't had a good piss in years - I...

How can you tell if you're actually just a character in a Marvel movie?

At some point you'll randomly bump into Stan Lee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grab your stuff. We're going to Pakistan."

...a guy tells friend.

"Really? Just like that we're going to Pakistan? I don't have the time for that."

"Oh c'mon. It'll only take a few minutes."

"What?! And anyways, isn't dangerous over there right now?"

"Nah...I mean, she's pissed, but I don't think she's dangerous."...

Warning, Infinity War spoiler:

Stan Lee is the bus driver.

A grasshopper walks into a crowded bar.

He sits down on a stool and orders a glass of beer. The bartender says, “That’s funny. I figured you’d order something different, especially since we’ve got a drink named after you.”



The grasshopper looks at the bartender baffled and says, “You’ve got a drink named Stan?”

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

He was an Afghani-Stan.

A jokester walks up to a drink stand...

He asks "Do you guys wanna hear a joke?"
The volunteers at the stand say, "Sure, just get in the line of your desired drink and we'll be listening." He complys and starts walking towards the end of the line and starts his joke: "A jokester walks up to a drink stan--" and then out of nowhere he g...

Wreck-it-Ralph

is called Pack-it-Stan in India.

A programmer is having trouble with a program.....

Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.

After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.

Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog breeders prize sire is nearing retirement age

The old hound had been prodigious, siring litter after litter, but the breeder felt that the time had come to introduce more variety in his dogs. His problem was that the old hound would chase off all the new sires, and he didn’t have it in him to give his first dog the snip after years of service, ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.