UPJOKE
hatchbackdoorvehiclesedancarautomobileautohingecoupequarterlightvanbeach wagonminivanmotorcarstation wagon

Car Door Jokes

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.

Instead I just swam for the surface.

A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materi...

My wife opened the car door for me today.

Would have been a good gesture if only we were not going 75MPH.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing...

...either the car is new or the wife is.

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.

"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

My wife opened my car door for me

It would’ve been a nice gesture if we hadn’t been going 70 miles per hour.

Why did the blond take a car door down to the beach?

If it get too hot he could just roll the window down and let some cool air in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer gets pulled over by a police officer.

The officer asks the lawyer "Do you know why I pulled you over?"


"I haven't the foggiest idea," said the lawyer.


The officer replied, "You didn't make a full stop at the stop sign back there. You only slowed down."


The lawyer thinks for a few seconds then says, "If y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was having sex with this woman...

I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.

“Oh god,” she said, “it’s my husband. Quick, use the back door!”

Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it’s not an offer you get everyday...

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

A woman locked her car key in her car, so she asked a passerby for help. The passerby took off his pants, rolled it into a ball and rubbed it on the car door. The car door springs open. Amazed, the woman asked the passerby how did he do it, to which he replied:

"It's simple, these are khaki pants"

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her.....

I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car.

The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money."

The lawyer says, "How DARE you call ...

The Rich Man's Car Door

One day, a rich man was walking out from a store, and back to his Ferrari. He reached his car and opened the door. At that very moment, another passing car smashes into his car door, ripping it off its hinges, before zooming away.

Upset about the hit and run, the rich man quickly called the p...

Three people are stranded in the desert. One has a canteen, another has a flare gun, and the last one has a car door.

They ask the first person, "Why did you bring a canteen?"

The first person responds, "So we can fill it up with water and use it to drink."

They ask the second person, "Why did you bring a flare gun?"

The second person responds, "So I can send a distress signal and someone can f...

Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them.

One man takes a jug of water. The second man takes a sandwich. The last man takes one of the car doors.

The first man says to the last man: "I'm bringing the water because if I get thirsty, I can take a drink. And it makes sense to bring a sandwich in case we get hungry, but why bring a car d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a teenager's idea of safe sex?

Locking the car door

3 men are going to the desert.

A Ukrainian man, Polish man and Russian man.

They can only bring one item each. The Ukrainian man decides he will bring a case of water. The Polish man decides he would like to bring a Camel. The Russian decides he will bring a car door with him.
When they arrive at the Desert they are ...

A guy is walking through the desert when he meets three men going the other way.

One is drinking out of a water bottle, one is looking at his phone and the third one is dragging a car door. He stops to talk to them.

"Why are you guys out here?" he asked.

"Our car broke down in the middle of the desert, so we started walking to see if we could find help. I figured I...

I was getting home very late after drinking with friends...

I was getting home very late after drinking with friends.

When I was close to home I turned off my headlights, put the car in neutral and coasted up to the house. I closed the car door very quietly, took off my shoes and closed the front door very quietly. Carrying my shoes I tip toed up th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.