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Diy Jokes

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.

On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: “Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?”

The guy falling responded, “Nope, you know anything about parachutes?”

Did you hear? Rob Schneider is starting his own DIY electrical wiring protection company?

It's called **You Conduit!**

10 things electricians don't want you to learn to DIY!

Number 4 is truly shocking

So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, "Do it Yourself"

Unhelpful, prick.

DIY Money Saving Tip

Turn an ordinary, old sofa into a sofa bed, by just forgetting your anniversary.

Follow me for more DIY money saving tips.

DIY videos - Do It Yourself

When I try to follow them, it becomes >! DIY - Destroy It Yourself !< :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.

So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"

Do you want to hear my DIY joke?

Wait a minute, I'm still working on it.

I'm not very good at DIY but I managed to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood.

Nailed it.

I just invented a DIY surgery kit

It’s called Suture Self.

DIY Hand Sanitizer

If you mix Tabasco in you hand sanitizer it will not only kill germs but also teach not to touch your face and eyes.

Sean Connery had a load of books fall on his head, thanks to dodgy DIY

He has only his shelf to blame

I saw a woman busted for shoplifting at the DIY store today.

She had a ladder in her stocking.

My DIY table came with no instructions

It was counter intuitive

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I've been doing a lot of DIY recently

But I have a hard time trusting anything to stay up;
My therapist says I have major shelf-confidence issues.

I'm addicted to DIY repairs.

I can't stop thinking about my next fix.

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

Whenever I embark on a DIY project, I always read the instructions carefully...

And retrospectively.

I walked into a DIY shop

There wasn't a single assistant

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a DIY dildo set so I could cast my girlfriend a dildo from my own manhood.

She didn't like it... Takes 24 hours to harden

My wife asked me to do some DIY to build some storage for our collection of encyclopaedias..

But I'm no good at DIY, so I went to the library to find out how to do it and asked the lady behind the desk..
"Do you have any books on shelves?"

I wanted to buy some literature on DIY shelving

Sounds easy, but try going into a book store and asking if they have "any books on shelves"

Being single means you're a true DIY-er.

They even have websites and videos to help!

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse.

(Gary Delaney)

I went to the DIY shop

I went to the DIY shop and bought a curtain rail. The shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself. I replied "no you dirty sod. I'm putting it up in the dining room"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIY Gone Wrong

I was installing a light in the attic the today, when I slipped, and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling.

It scared the shit out of my girlfriend!

I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August!

I wrote a book on DIY.

It comes with a free pen.

I think my new idea for DIY orthodontics is going to take the world by storm.

brace yourself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like construction

You can choose the DIY option but you’re never truly satisfied but it’s better in the long run if done by someone with experience

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For me, going to a home improvement store is like having sex.

It's all about DIY.

A DIY kidney transplant...

...is a home renalvation.

I bought a book on DIY.

So far my dad has read me 103 pages of it.

What type of books never get read?

I've a lot of books on procrastination. I didn't find the time to read them.

I've a lot of books on memory trouble. I don't know where they are.

I've a lot of books on anger management. They're all damaged.

I've a lot of books on DIY Furniture repairs. They serve as legs of tabl...

Trump didn't finish the wall

He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project

My wife suggested a new hobby for me

DIY Wednesday

What do you call a multicolored d20 that you made yourself?

A tie-dyed diy die

Books I’d recommend

‘Excel in Maths’ by Cal Q. Luss

’Marine Giants’ by Meg LeDonne

‘DIY Automotive Repair’ by Carly King

‘Orchestral Percussion’ by Tim Penny

‘I Got Away With a Minor Crime’ by Jay Walker

‘Nordic Vodka’ by Finn Landia

I've had a bad day...

I've had a bad day.


Not only would the toilet not flush but I've been banned from the DiY store.

Ikea failed miserably at processed meat products business

Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions

Handyman goes to court

So this handyman was caught working without a license. He was a bit of a diy guy and had decided to fix some things himself, but wasn't licensed to do so and they weren't up to standard.

In the court, the judge received a note from his assistant and immediately declare him guilty for working ...

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In a catholic girsl school the teaching Nun asks the girls about their plans for the future...

Nun:"Susan, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Susan:"I want to be a teacher, just like you!"
N: "Good, and what do you want to be Alice?"

Alice:"I want to be a doctor!"

N:"Very good! And you Lucy, what do you want to do?"
Lucy:"I want to become a Prostitute!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The willing farmer girl

On a sunny Saturday afternoon, Jimmy, a young handsome farmer boy in his twenties, goes to the village a few minutes walking from the farm to get a bunch of supplies. He goes to the hardware shop, the DIY and the pet shop, and ends up with a bucket, a big can of red paint, a dozen of eggs, two chick...

So i've gotten a fish tank recently

And I check the Temerature and the pH-Value regularly. But my Guinea pigs keep diying. Do u guy have any advice?

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