Self Control Jokes - 17 Hilarious Self Control Jokes

In class, a teacher asked her students what was something good that they did today

The first kid says "I gave money to a homeless man"

The second kid says "I helped my mom with the chores"

The third kid says "I helped an old lady cross the street"

The teacher was very impressed and had high hopes for the fourth kid

The fourth kid then says "I prevented ...

Why are artists so good at self control?

Because they always know where to draw the line.

Husband asks his wife

When I get mad, you remain calm and don't react.

How do you maintain your self control?

Wife: I just go and clean the toilet

husband : How does that help

W: I use your tooth brush

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

Needed: people with a lot of self control

for working at a bubble wrap factory.

I stopped a woman from being kidnapped today

My self control is really improving

A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days".

She replies "where do you get the self control?"

I'm giving up self control for lent

It's going to be so hard!

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"

"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

What do you have if you eat 3.14 cakes

No self control

A man brought his son to a grocery store...

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.

Despite the scene his son was causing...

Life is like a box of chocolates

It's empty because I lack self control

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of 10 dollar bills sitting on the counter.

He figures there must be thousands of dollars in that jar because it is quite large and nearly filled to the brim.

The man then approaches the bartender and inquires him about the jar of money.

The bartender tells him, "If you drop a 10 dollar bill into that jar and pass three challeng...

You should’ve seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the office Christmas party.

Yeah I had no pants, no self control and I came with three kids that weren’t mine.

Promiscuous women and Wal-Mart have a lot in common...

A lot of people will hate on them and say how much they think its wrong or they dont like it, but at the end of the day, if its 4 am and you're inside of one you're gonna thank god they exist. Plus afterwards you're always showered with regret and guilt but you keep doing it anyway because you have ...

Three men are sentenced to die in Great Britain.

The night before the men got drunk and destroyed the Queen's garden. Knowing her garden is full of pollen, she offers them a chance at life under one condition.

The men must learn self control by sitting in the garden and not sneezing, not even once. If one of them succeeds in the time allot...

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are yo...

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