UPJOKE
industrialistfriggingcoitushenry clay frickcopulatecopulationprocreationfrigpregnancyprocreatecoitalbarebackkaufmannreproducechristie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

A lady walks into an ice cream shop. "Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.

"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

A teacher tells the students to each tell a true story that has a moral that they learned from one of their parents...

The teacher calls up a little girl, and she tells her story, "My dad is raises chickens for their eggs. One day he collected the eggs from his hens and put them all into a big basket. Then he put the basket into the back of his truck but as he was driving to market he hit a big bump in the road, whi...

What’s the difference between Amrican and British humour?

The spelling (This joke is better said out loud) (Aw frick. That’s a heck of a typo)

I had dinner with a chess master

IT TOOK HIM FOUR HOURS TO PASS THE FRICKING SALT

Idk if this one’s been said but here you go. A man goes to the library and askes for a book about the best way to commit suicide

The librarian says “frick off I know your not gonna return it.”

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my dad told me

There is this guy who is horny and wants to call a prostitute.
He search online and comes across a special one.
"First in the world, can sing the national anthem while giving you a blowjob !"
So the guys is intrigued, and proceeds to call the lady.
They meet at a hotel and the guy lay...

I was lying in my bed, staring at the stars.

I wondered, “Where the frick is my ceiling?”

i bless the rains down in

ah frick... uh... i forget the words guys

A short love story

A man and woman who had never met before and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and a bit uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the ...

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, would you do it?

i wouldn't, why the frick would anyone ever kick himself in the nuts?

Speeding ticket

A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.

[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Fri...

How can you tell someone’s a vegan?

Oh don’t worry. They’ll fricking tell you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man brings home a X-Mas tree...

"Oh boy, this place looks amaaaazing! It is cozy and warm, so much better than the forest in which I grew up! What are those? kids? I love kids! and they are giving me clothes! Those balls are a bit heavy but they make for some really pretty earings. And those scarfs are so lustruous I wanna cry. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics.

"i dunno Harry , im not sure i can support a president that does not support Israel , they have always been one of our strongest allies "

"Sure , Bob , But what about the Palestine people ?"

at this , a squirrel jumps up on the ba...

Materialist Lawyer

A lawyer is getting out of his car when another vehicle comes along and rips the door right off the hinges. A cop sees the whole thing and comes over to assist the lawyer who is screaming profanities at the driver of the other vehicle.

The cop asks, "Are you alright, sir?"

The lawyer ...

When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths

I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking down the street...(long)

So a guy is walking down the street and he sees a fricking pirate. This guys the real deal. He has a hook for a hand, a wooden leg, and even has a patch over his eye.

So the guy asks him “hey pirate, what happened to your leg?”

The pirate replies: Yar, a shark bit off me leg in the o...

George Washington and two other people go to Heaven...

Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says,

"I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."

The first p...

Frank

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing.You're just like Frank.

'Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.