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Waltz Jokes

I hate when people think they can just waltz into my room

When what I'm listening to is clearly in 4/4

Why can't a man waltz in a closet while wearing a tight Speedo?

Because there's no *ballroom*.

Learning to waltz is hard.

It feels like I'm taking two steps forward, then one step back.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

Why does a jet engine turbine never sound like waltz?

Just because it is a huge metal fan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before it starts...

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts"

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hello Willie

An old bloke woke up to celebrate 92nd birthday and spoke to his toes.

He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know, you're 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”
...

A Blonde goes to Heaven

(found this on an old PC, I was clearing out..)

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Ex...

What do Jared Fogel, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

Their favorite piece of classical music is Chopin’s Waltz in A minor.

The angry wife met her husband at the door.

There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"


"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

No Room at the Inn

"I'm desperate for a room," pleaded John. "Everywhere else is fully booked!"

"I'm really sorry," replied the motel receptionist, "but we're booked up too. It's because of the convention."

"Nothing at all? Not even a bed?"

"Well, I do have a double room with only one occupant,"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having a shower,

and forgot to lock the door. My five year old daughter waltzes in and points and says:

'dad, when will I have one of those between my legs?'

I said, 'when your mum goes shopping'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...
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