I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my room..

When what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

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Please don't go waltzing COVID-19

Once a jolly swagman traveled to the China land,

And he came back symptom free,

And he sang as he shopped and he huddled til' his virus roiled,

"I'll go a'waltzing COVID-19"

Waltzing COVID, waltzing COVID

He went a'waltzing COVID-19

And he sang as he shopped...

Learning to waltz is hard.

It feels like I'm taking two steps forward, then one step back.

Jabba the Hutt hosts a piano playing competition.

So, several hundred musicians from across many galaxies gather in order to compete. Jabba is also competing, of course, and the song he picks to play is the Faerie's Aire. Now, he gets cybernetic implants just so he can play a complicated piece, but he believes that his piece alone played at a fairl...

Why does a jet engine turbine never sound like waltz?

Just because it is a huge metal fan.

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A man wakes up in bed after a night of hard boozing...

His first thought is that he's in big trouble with his wife, but she waltzes into the room with a sunshiny grin and hands him a tray loaded with breakfast in bed. While he's eating, she slips under the covers and gives him a deliriously good blowjob.

"I don't get it, honey," the guy says. "I...

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Quick, grab me a beer

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"


She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.


When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!...

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talk...

What do Jared Fogel, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

Their favorite piece of classical music is Chopin’s Waltz in A minor.

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An old bloke woke up, to celebrate 92nd birthday...

He spoke to his toes. He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know, you're 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”

“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? Yo...

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Cinderella

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball one night, but she was having her period and didn’t have any tampons. Her Fairy Godmother came to the rescue and turned a pumpkin into a tampon. The Godmother says, “Now use the tampon, but be sure to get back home before midnight or it will turn back into a pumpk...

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An American Man Moves to Scotland

Fed up with his life in the states he packs up everything he owns and moves to a tiny cottage in the far north highlands of Scotland. He lives there quietly content for over a month before meeting anyone.

One day the American hears a knock on his door and opens it to find his neighbor a big, ...

The angry wife met her husband at the door.

There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"


"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

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A guy walks into a jazz bar with an octopus on his shoulder.

He orders a couple of beers, and after a few moments the bartender, head cocked, says, "Buddy, I don't mean to be coarse, but what's with the octopus?"

"This octopus?" the guy begins, thumbing at his octopodine companion, "Oh this guy is a musical virtuoso. He'd play any instrument you have h...

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A man is fed up with his lack of a sex life...

So he decides to enter the priesthood, and devote his life to religion. He enters the monastery and speaks to a clergyman, who tells him before he can become a priest he must prove that his mind is empty of impure thoughts.
The man and 9 other applicants are gathered in a room and sat down on a b...

No Room at the Inn

"I'm desperate for a room," pleaded John. "Everywhere else is fully booked!"

"I'm really sorry," replied the motel receptionist, "but we're booked up too. It's because of the convention."

"Nothing at all? Not even a bed?"

"Well, I do have a double room with only one occupant,"...

Did you hear about the Australian guy that was dancing with my computer?

He was waltzing my tilde.

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I was having a shower,

and forgot to lock the door. My five year old daughter waltzes in and points and says:

'dad, when will I have one of those between my legs?'

I said, 'when your mum goes shopping'.

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