This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife cries after sex.

I don't understand how she can get so upset in such a short time.

A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed; sweating and panting.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I think I'm having a heart attack," she cries.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone but just as he’s dialing 911, his six year old son runs up to him and says, “Daddy! Daddy! ...

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

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A young monk arrives at a monastery.

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand. However, he notices that all of the monks are copying from copies; not from the original manuscript.

He decides to bring this up to the head monk; pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy told me he always cries after sex.....

I told him it was his fault for getting sent to prison in the first place

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The horse and the rooster

So a horse and a rooster lived on a farm at the end of a dirt road. One day, the horse was walking down the road and fell into a deep mud hole. He was stuck!!! He hollered and hollered till finally the
Rooster heard him and came running. An idea struck the rooster so he ran back to the farm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the widower who cries when he masturbates?

Quite the tear jerker.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the water on for his shower...

He stares at it until it cries.

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got done filming a porno in my hotel room [NSFW]

You can find it on the net. It’s called “drunk guy jerks off in a hotel room and then cries”

A girl was throwing stones in her backyard one day

She threw one a little too hard and it came back and hit her in the eye. She ran inside yelling and crying and her parents drove her to the hospital

The doctor tells the family that her eye is going to have to be removed and she’ll need a prosthetic. The family doesn’t have a lot of money and...

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

Whenever my young son cries too much,

I show him his birth video in reverse and telling him that's what happens to kids who don't stop crying.

A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.

A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"

The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

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