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Coronavirus Jokes

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A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

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I really hope coronavirus can't spread through sex

It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.

What goes with the Coronavirus?

Lyme Disease

Edit : Thanks For All The Awards!

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(NSFW) Coronavirus porn is going viral on PornHub..

What a bunch of sick fucks

What can the coronavirus do that the us government can't?

Stop school shootings

Trump couldn't find the cure for the Coronavirus...

But the Coronavirus may have found the cure for Trump.

I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”

The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back

Nobody laughed at first, but eventually everyone got it.

Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022!

Cause 2022 is 2020 too.

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I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said “I don’t know. I’m not really into politics.”

Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death

Plaguearism

Coronavirus

I bet the guy who invented hand sanitizer is rubbing his hands together now.

Coronavirus isn't Trumps Fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's Fault. Sars wasn't Brush's fault....

And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.

This time next year you guys will be laughing about all the Coronavirus fears of today...

Not every one of you, of course.

The spread of the Coronavirus is based on two factors

1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

All countries eventually got Coronavirus...

But China got it right off the bat

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

Gas prices are so high...

That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

Don’t worry, the coronavirus won’t last long.

Because it’s made in China.

Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?

Around the world in eighty days.

Please don't make any more jokes about the Coronavirus...

My friend has it and it's serious. He got it from a tick bite...

It's the first reported case of Corona with Lyme.

3:15pm So the hockey season got cancelled in Canada because of the coronavirus

6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus

I'll tell you a Coronavirus joke now

But you'll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

I was hoping after coronavirus....

... there would be no more monkey business.

I told a Coronavirus joke to a group of people

Everyone eventually got it, but the Chinese guy, he got it right off the bat.

Harvey Weinstein has coronavirus

Must suck to have something invade your body against your will.

What's the difference between kung pao and the coronavirus?

One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.

A 102 year old woman who survived the 1918 Spanish Flu has now beaten coronavirus TWICE

But she was no match for my car

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What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out.

I hope the Coronavirus issue gets resolved before tick season

Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme

Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined.

Imagine all the people

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One is a Coronavirus, the other is a Verona Crisis.

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

My 6-year-old wrote a timely coronavirus joke

What did the coronavirus say to the broccoli?


"Let's be friends", because we're both bad things.

Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

Coronavirus arrives in the USA.

Mexico: So, about that wall......

Did you hear the joke about coronavirus?

Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around!

If Coronavirus can't take you out....

can I?

Coronavirus

This thing is getting crazy, I just got two round trip tickets to see my family. And a trip to mexico, all for the price of the coins I found between my sofa cushions. It really just goes to show you that whatever you want in life, China will always make it cheaper.

What's the best thing about telling a coronavirus joke?

Everyone will get it eventually.

Whats the difference between the coronavirus and 737MAX?

The coronavirus is airborne.

My uncle stopped smoking because of coronavirus

RIP uncle Jim.

How does Coronavirus get to America?

It flies Delta

I would tell you a Coronavirus joke

But it would take 2 weeks to find out if you get it.

What goes well with Coronavirus?

Lime disease

^I'll ^^see ^^^myself ^^^^out

Coronavirus

Technically NSFW

I wish the Coronavirus started in Las Vegas

because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my girlfriend caught coronavirus I broke up with her.

The only micro-organism she's allowed to have inside of her is my penis.

Motel Coronavirus

Motel Coronavirus



On a dim dreary morning

Ceiling fan stirs the air

Stale beer and Doritos

Littered next to my chair

Just outside of my window

Saw a glimmer of light

My eyes were bloodshot and my head pounding

I hadn't slept all last ni...

Why did the Coronavirus cross the road?

Cuz it likes to walk old people to the other side.

Coronavirus is real

You gotta start using UDP over TCP to avoid handshakes

Why did Wonder Woman get the Coronavirus?

Cause she ate some bat meat.

Chuck Norris Caught CoronaVirus

The CoronaVirus is now hospitalized on ventilator support.

Some Irish scientists measured the size of the coronavirus variant.

It was one O'Micron.

What do you call the bat that carries Coronavirus

Nosferachoo

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

Omg, the coronavirus has killed 12 Brazilian people!

How many is a brazilian?

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.

Chuck Norris was exposed to the Coronavirus.

The virus is now in quarantine for a month.

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Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

It's not Coronavirus anymore...

It's now Boomer Remover

If coronavirus isn’t about beer...

why do I keep seeing cases of it?

If coronavirus was an STD

... would Reddit even know it existed?

Man with Coronavirus

Seeks salty woman with Lyme disease

Coronavirus joke

1: Knock knock.

2: WHO's there ?

1:Yes. We are here to quarantine you.

In April 2021, India was struggling with the coronavirus.

Prime Minister Modi was really concerned, and so he decided that it would be a great idea if he appointed a "Minister of Virus Control." He was considering many of the country's top doctors to fill the position, and eventually, he said that he would tell the public who he appointed on April 25th....

Coronavirus joke

Coronavirus attacks the lungs, so I guess you could say it's a breathtaking experience.

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Coronavirus is just like pasta...

Chinese invented it,

Italians perfected it, spread it throughout the world,

Americans fucked it all up.

President Trump has reportedly contracted coronavirus

Finally, something positive about Trump.

Why do people think Vampires have Coronavirus?

Because they’re always coffin.

It's only a matter of time before the Pi-variant of the Coronavirus is discovered now.

We'll have come full circle then.

Hey baby, are you the coronavirus?

Cause I wanna stay in bed with you for 2 weeks.

They say that coronavirus kills you...

But we polled 25,000 Americans and not a single one had died! Who needs masks?

What's the favored drink among coronavirus victims?

Coughy.

Yo mama is like the coronavirus

She keeps trying to spread, but nobody wants her.

How do desk fans avoid Coronavirus?

They self-oscillate.

Coronavirus originated in Wuhan.

Did you hear about the serious cough originating in Wu Ping?

Wondering how anti-vaxxers feel about a coronavirus vaccine...

...I bet they're dying for it.

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers?

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!

BREAKING NEWS! CORONAVIRUS!

Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case"....

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we’re told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I’m...

If you think that Corona beer causes Coronavirus then...

You probably think that the leader of the World Health Organization is Dr Who.

Coronavirus is like Visa

It's everywhere you want to be

The amount of bad Coronavirus jokes are starting to reach worrying numbers.

Some scientist claim it might become a pundemic!

Why can't ants get coronavirus

Because they have little anty-bodies

That Coronavirus mentality

Why wait for the Coronavirus to wipe you out, when you can stock up on toilet paper and do it yourself?

I think Coronavirus is a millennial..

.. Because everyone's OK except the boomers.

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Coronavirus can be transmitted sexually,

so yes. You’ll be fine

An coronavirus walks into a bar.

The Bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here"

The virus replies, "Well, you’re not a very good host.’”

Jesus, why did you let me die of coronavirus?

He ignored the lockdown order because “Jesus will protect me” he did not accept a mask because Jesus will protect him. He refused the vaccine, because Jesus will protect him. Then he died of Coronavirus and met Jesus. “Jesus, why didn’t you protect me!?”
Jesus responded, “First I put lockdowns in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus Pandemic, day 16

If anyone is still out there, I’m alive but struggling. Food is running low. Down to only 459 days worth. My hands are super sanitized and my butt is super clean. Down to 1599 rounds of ammo (dropped 1 round down the heat vent while doing daily inventory). Power still on, but for how long? Missing h...

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Damm girl, are you the coronavirus?

Because you piss me off and I want you to go away.

Coronavirus is serious business

I scoffed at how serious the Coronavirus was being portrayed.

Then I realized that I haven’t been invited to the Russian, Ukrainian, or Asian dating sites in my junk folder in weeks!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This coronavirus quarantine is great..

Today I set a new personal record for beers consumed during Mass.

You know what would go great with Coronavirus?

Lyme's Disease.

Coronavirus - Made in China

And so is the the hand sanitizer you will use.

They say coronavirus came from China.

I am not buying it, no one can sneeze that hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Possible Coronavirus Inoculant Found

Experts suggest that a hormone found in ordinary semen may, if consumed in sufficient quantities over time, produce a gradual immunity buildup to the Covid19 virus.

Source: Am expert

With Coronavirus and our impending doom

I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all

Russia claims to have found a coronavirus vaccine...

I'm not putin that in my body!

Coronavirus really changed my Tour of Italy...

... the waitress at Olive Garden had to bring it out to my car.

Why don't ant-eaters get Coronavirus?

Because they contain lots of little antibodies

I hate coronavirus jokes

They are spreading like a disease

Why didn't the Muslim youth get the coronavirus?

Because he was a Quran Teen.

How do bodybuilders combat coronavirus?

Whey Isolate

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