Conflicted Jokes - 15 Hilarious Conflicted Jokes

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I feel very conflicted about masturbation

Because on one hand it feels good.

And the other hand is always getting in my ass about its problems

I’m very conflicted by eye tests.

I want to get the answers right.

....but I really want to win the glasses.

Im conflicted when it comes to abortion

On the one hand - I support it because it kills children on the other hand it gives women a choice.

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A doctor felt extremely conflicted after sleeping with his patient. One side of his head told him, "Relax. You're not the first doc to sleep with his patient and you'll not be the last."

The other side said, "You bastard. You should be knowing that you're a veterinary doctor."

I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists

I am conflicted

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A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

 
**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

 
**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your s...

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.

He finds him, and asks:

– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks a...

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Muslims killing gays everywhere....

...rednecks are fucking conflicted now.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Their interests conflicted.

The butcher

Once there was a man in a small town who decided that he wanted to be a butcher, so he bought a small store and started his own butcher shop. It was a very modest store, consisting of only a couple display cabinets, a meat grinder, and a few shelves in the refrigerator. This man quickly became known...

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked ...

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The tale of my chinese friend and his struggles

Earlier this year, a chinese family moved into my small town. The family had two twins who were both seniors in my class, Ving and Ling. Ving and his sister Ling were quiet to start off with, but eventually I made good friends with Ving. After talking to him for a few weeks he revealed to me that he...

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

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Asian guy at my college

So I'm in college math class, and two new guys walk in. They introduce themselves as brothers, Ling and Ving. After a few days of talking, (Ving sits next to me) he says I can get help from him in trig if I answer him one question. I say, sure. (I'm bombing trig so I'd sell my soul to pass.) He asks...

A sodomizer, an alcoholic, a thief and a drug addict await judgment in Hell...

The gatekeeper of Hell says, "Each of you are here because you let your addiction get the best of you. But I'm giving all of you a second chance, prove me wrong and I will drag you back to Hell!". Just like that the sodomizer, alcoholic, businessman and drug addict are teleported back to Earth.
...

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