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Palm Tree Jokes

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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts this will be one hell of a blow job!

(My brother and I heard this in the school yard when we were 9&6 respectively. That night he told it at the dinner table when my grandma was over!)

How do you know a palm tree is getting old?

It’s coconuts hang lower than its trunk.

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What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

What tree gives the best high-fives?

A PALM tree!

What did the man get when he ran into a palm tree?

facepalm

Southern family trees are like palm trees...

No branches and the family members are fronds with benefits

What do you call a dog that lives in the top of a palm tree.

A cocomutt.


Or a palmeranian.

How do you know a palm tree is lonely?

It has no fronds.

Palm trees don’t provide much shade

That’s why they’re fronds without benefits.

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

What do you call a palm tree that wants to be a rapper?

Slim Shady.

Why is that palm tree reading out your grandfather's will?

Isn't it obvious? He's the Exeggutor of the estate.

What type of tree fits in the palm of your hand?

A seedling


If you thought a palm tree... well... I don’t know what to tell you

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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your coconuts, this ain't gonna be your average blowjob.


As told to me by a passing homeless man yesterday...

What kind of tree fits in your hands

A palm tree

Scientists, as an experiment, take two groups of people.

The first is a hundred men and one woman, the second, a hundred women and one man. Each group is put on an uninhabited island, and left alone.

A month later, the scientists check how the societies developed.

Island one:

The woman is sitting on a throne, proud as a queen. The men...

A nail company wants to expand their business...

The firm, a long-established family company called Wilson's Nails, has seen their revenue declining in recent years and decides to try an ad campaign to boost sales. They contact a highly regarded Madison Avenue ad agency to produce an ad for them; After a few weeks, the agency sits the owners and s...

This was my Laffy taffy joke I choked on it while I read this

What Kind Of Tree Grows In Your Hand?
A palm tree!

My Korean girlfriend makes some cute mistakes when speaking English. For example:

"Fishing stick" instead of "Fishing rod"

"Tropical tree" instead of "Palm tree"

"Ant-licker" instead of "Uncle"

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A married couple are sailing with a young tour guide.

There's a sudden storm and the boat gets destroyed. Luckily, all three of them survive and manage to swim towards a small island.

Once they've caught their breath, the tour guide speaks. "Let's take turns keeping watch for any ships that come by for help. I'll climb up that palm tree and keep...

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A couple and the captain of a charter boat got stranded on a deserted island...

There was one solitary palm tree so the husband and the captain would take turns on a daily basis climbing the tree and searching for ships. Several days go by and the captain is starting to get horney. He comes up with a plan. When it's his turn to scout out ships he looks down from the palm tree a...

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A Pirate walks into his local tavern.

He has just returned from a long venture out at sea and hasn’t been there for a while.

The bartender sees him and immediately screams, “Holy hell, what happen to your leg?”

Pirate: “What do you mean?”

Bartender: “What do I mean?! you got a bloody piece of wood where your leg was...

An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” Th...

The Nigerian ambassador goes to visit the house of the ambassador of France

It's a huge and luxurious house with gardens, pools, greek statues and paintings.

The Nigerian ambassador wanders with the French ambassador after dining. The Nigerian ambassador then asks to the French ambassador how did he do to afford that house.
The French ambassador then tells him to ...

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

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A butler comes up to his lord reading a book to tell him something urgent.

"Milord?" says the butler.

"Yes, Alfred? What do you need?" answers his lord.

"I am sorry for this interuption but I've found some monkey that is up on one of the palm trees we have planted in our garden recently, milord." explained himself Alfred.

Lord sighs, closes his book an...

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Those who plant dates don't harvest them

There's an old saying that goes,"Those who plant dates don't harvest them."That is because it takes date palm trees take about 80 to 90 years to bear fruits.
Once a young man met an old monk planting dates and he asked the monk,"Why are you planting dates when you know you will not harvest them?"...

2 Jamaicans are lost in the desert..

After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're halluci...

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Shipwrecked

After a shipwreck a young sailor an old man and his hot young trophy wife all make it to a deserted island. The sailor says Im going to climb up that palm tree and see if there is any one out there looking for us. He climbs up the tree and when he get to the top he looks down and yells "hey cut that...

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A boat was shipwrecked in the South Pacific, as a result...

A group of people from different nationalities found themselves stranded on a remote and beautiful island. The party consisted of:

-Two Italian men and one Italian woman

-Two French men and one French woman

-Two German men and one German woman

-Two Greek men and one Greek...

A man is trapped on a desert island...

.... with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs ba...

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

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