My neighbor likes to put his grass clippings on the edge of my lawn.
So late one moonless night I planted a healthy stand of Johnson grass over his entire immaculately maintained front lawn. A month later his lawn was rife with weedy Johnson grass. I told my husband what I did and he said planting Johnson grass was a dick move.
Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings?
His shavings account.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man is having an affair on his wife with his secretary
One day after work they lose track of time while making love in his office. In a panic the man exclaims he must get home now or else his wife will surely know. Worried, the secretary asks what he will say. The man has an idea, and tells her to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass while h...
Two women approach the front door to a dads-only bar
The younger of the two asks "Mom, what the hell are we even doing?"
Mom responds "I know, it's dumb, but thanks for agreeing to come with me. My dad was very specific in his will about how his ashes would be spread. This place is number 1 on the list. He'd been coming here for the longest tim...