A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the pan...

A skydiver jumps out of a plane and soon discovers his chute won't open.

As he's plummeting to his death, he sees a man rocketing up toward him from the ground.

As the two men pass each other, the skydiver shouts, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man says, "No. Do you know anything about gas leaks?"

An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are on a plane.

The engine dies and they know they're screwed.
Looking around the cabin they find only two parachutes.

The Englishman says "I'm the richest so I should get one of them. My money can do the most for the world"

The scotsman says "my families the biggest so I should get one, there'd be...

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The panda eats the sandwich, whips out a pistol, and shoots the waiter dead. As he is walking towards the exit, the bartender yells “HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU DIDNT PAY FOR THAT SANDWICH AND YOU JUST SHOT MY WAITER!”

The panda bear just...

A plane with 4 passengers...

A plane with 4 passengers aboard is about to crash. The passengers are Donald Trump, Barack Obama, The Pope, and a 10 year old school boy. There are only 3 parachutes - the pope says he needs to sort out the Catholic Church so he grabs a chute and jumps. Trump shouts he has the greatest brain in the...

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane

The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smar...

Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and kid from the make a wish foundation are on a plane.

Suddenly, the pilot comes bursting from the cabin with what appears to be a parachute on.
“The engine is gone and we’re minutes from crashing so grab a chute and follow me.
The captain opens the door and takes a leap from the plane. Bernie runs across the plane to grab a parachute but sees t...

Plane trouble

A plane was about to crash. It had four passengers, but only three parachutes.

First out was a top football player. He said: "My team counts on me, and my millions of fans will be devestated if I die". He took one of the chutes and jumped out.

Next was Donald Trump. He said: "I’m the s...

So a plane is crashing with 4 passengers one is a pilot, a priest, a high schooler with a backpack, and a blonde. One tiny problem is there’s only 3 parachutes.

First the pilot jumps out, then the blonde. The priest turns to the high schooler and told him he had a wonderful life and had no regrets, please take the last parachute. The high schooler took one and pulled out another chute, the priest says by the lord how did you get a fourth? The high schooler ...

How does a panda rob a restaurant?

Eats chutes and leaves

An American, A Canadian and a Boy scout are on a plane.

The plane hits turbulence and is about to crash.

the pilot comes out and says "The plane is going down. Everyone for himself!" grabs one of the remaining 3 parachutes and jumps out.

The American says. "We're number 1 so i get to live" hastily grabs 1 of the 2 remaining chutes and jumps...

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A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

A skydiver's parachute failed to open.

So he immediately pulled the ripcord of his reserve chute, and that failed to open as well.

As he was falling to the earth, he came across a guy that was flying up from the ground. So the skydiver that was going down yelled to the guy that was going up, "Hey, do you know anything about parac...

Trump, a charity worker, and a fire fighter are on a plane.

The plane loses power and starts to go down.

The pilot comes out and says, "We only have three parachutes! Someone is going down with the plane!"

Trump grabs a chute and says, "I cant die. I'm the greatest, most intelligent, most beloved person, who knows all the words, and is overall...

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So a panda walks into a bar

A panda walks into a bar one day and orders a sandwich. The server brings it over to him, and he eats it quietly. The panda then pulls out a gun, and shoots the server. The bartender stands up in shock and ask him just what the hell he thinks he's doing. The panda simply replies, "I'm a panda, dumba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two priests are on a plane

So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes.

One priest turns to the other and says, “grab the chutes and we’ll jump!...

A joke my Priest told at church on Sunday

Three men were on a small plane ready to take a flight over Lake Michigan. One man was the pilot, another man was a young diplomat, the final was a Bishop. On the outside of the plane a young Boy Scout was trying to convince his parents to let him on the plane. Last minute they finally gave in and l...

Sky diving

A sky diver had just pulled his main chute and found it wouldn't open. He quickly tries his reserve chute, still nothing. Now in a panic falling towards the ground he see's a man flying up towards him at an incredible speed. In stunned disbelieve as they pass each other the sky diver screams out "do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Black Guy are on an Airplane...

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a black guy are escorting a group of kids on a trip by plane. Mid-way through the flight, the engine malfunctions and the plane begins to crash. They realize there are only two parachutes, and the black guy grabs one and bails immediately. Then the following conversation ensue...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor, a lawyer, a college student, and a priest sign up for a skydiving trip...

...and find themselves in the air at 12,000 feet. Three minutes before crossing the LZ, both engines come to a complete stop.

The silence is deafening, until the pilot who is also the instructor, pops out of the cockpit with a panicked look on his face and says 'Folks, I'm sorry-we're out o...

A man goes skydiving.....

A man goes skydiving.

After he jumps out of the plane he pulls the parachute cord and nothing happens.

Panicking, he pulls the emergency chute. Again nothing happens.

As he is plummeting towards the earth he sees a speck moving up towards him. As he focuses he can see it's anoth...

There were four people on an airplane. The pilot, a pastor, 'The Smartest Teenager in the World' and a teenager with a backpack.

A few hours into the flight, the pilot comes out and says, "Our engine is on fire and we're going to crash! We only have three parachutes, and I'm taking the first because I have a wife and three growing kids."

The pilot took the first parachute and left.

'The Smartest Teenager in th...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are on a plane...

…when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down. The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math.
The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the pope, bill clinton, a teenager, jesse jackson and a doctor are on an airplane...

And the pilot comes out of the cockpit and throws open the emergency door, "We've gotta jump guys, sorry, we both have chutes, but there's only 4 left," as him and his co-pilot hopped out.
The remaining five stayed silent a moment and started discussing who should live. Jesse Jackson mentioned h...

Then did you jump?

A young soldier finally got his first jump in at Airborne school. The young man proudly calls home from Ft Benning to tell his dad all about it.
"hey dad, I finally got my first jump!"
"awesome, tell me all about it" said the enthusiastic father.
"well pop, first they load all of you in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two priests on a small commuter flight

with half a dozen kids from an orphanage. Half way through the flight the pilot comes back and says the plane has lost both engines, they are going to crash and there and only two parachutes.

The first priest says to the second "grab those 'chutes - we're out of here"

"What about the ...

A lawyer, a tax collector, a priest and a boyscout are on a plane.

The pilot comes over the intercom and tells the passengers that the plane will soon crash. The pilot says that there are three parachutes available. The lawyer immediately reaches for the first chute bag he sees and jumps out of the plane. The tax collector is next putting a pack on and jumping o...

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