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Parachutist Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a failed golfer and a failed parachutist?

One goes *whack, fuck*; the other goes *fuck, whack*.

A parachutist jumps from a plane...

And after a few seconds he starts to panic because the ripcord isn't working as he continues to plummet to earth. Suddenly, he sees a dude going from the ground up and yells, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?" The other guy yells back, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Two Parachutists

Two parachutists jumped out of a plane, they had headsets on so they could talk to each other on the way down.

One man‘s parachute opened, the other one’s didn’t.

The guy with the defective chute was falling fast but appeared to be slowly and very calmly trying to figure out the issue....

A parachutist has just jumped from a plane and his chute doesn't open.

As he is plummetting earthwards and trying to get the parachute to open, he is surprised to see someone heading up towards him. He calls out "Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?"

"No," says the other. "Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

How does a blind parachutist know when he's near the ground?

The lead on his guide dog goes slack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A parachutist is about to drop from a plane tommorow as part of a military excercise..

His mother calls him at midnight and with terror in her voice she says:
Do not go tommorow!! I saw a terrible dream, your parachute was not working and you were killed!! Please dont do it!!!
The soldier was terrified about his mothers dream but he still got into the plane. As the persons where...

A parachutist is plummeting to Earth

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.

As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.

She yells out to him, “Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?”

He replies back “No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Parachutist Couple

Went skydiving.

The husband says, "Shit! I packed your shoes instead of my parachute!"

The wife says, "Fuck! I packed your underwear!"

The husband says, "I love you! I need a new pair..."

A parachutist friend of mine was able to record a joke on his GoPro during his tragic last skydive saying that he'd 'had a great summer but was expecting an even better fall'.

He certainly hit the ground punning!

How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack!

(heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)

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