UPJOKE
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Ce Jokes

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

I used to think the "CE" in "BCE" stood for "Christ Entrance"

It's a common error

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

What did the chemist get for his 69th birthday?

You’d think they’d give him Thulium, but really it was Nickel and Cerium.

You wanna hear a super cool science joke?

0K

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman enters a pet shop to buy a talking parrot.

She immediatly sees a colourful parrot with two strings attached on its legs. She asks the shopkeeper about this one, and he says:

\- It's because this particular parrot can speak 3 languages.
\- Oh great, but what are these strings for?
\- Let me show you.

He pulls the left ...

A superconductor walks into a bar...

The bartender said, "we don't serve your kind here."

The superconductor left without resistance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the Romans Conquered Britain

In the mid 1st century CE one of the problems they did not anticipate was the rampant fraud being conducted in the bronze trade. Tradesmen who shaped the metal would buy it from merchants who bought it from the miners in the form of bars of bronze, already mixed from copper and tin.

The...

Human Design

Three engineers went out for drinks after work. An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer. They rehashed their respective jobs, complained about the hours and all agreed about insane expectations and demands of clients. After a couple drinks they started loosening up, discus...

Old army joke from Romania(Ukraine's neighbor) about Russian soldiers

This joke was left to me by my grandfather who fought in a couple of wars before he passed away and it's in regard to statues of Russian soldiers in the old USSR.



Russian soldiers,

why did they put you

up there?

Because you lied to the people,

or because y...

American jokes?

What are some jokes told in other countries about American behaviours?

Qu'est-ce que c'est tes blauges favoris qui parlents comment sont les americans?

Please list the country that it's from. Thanks!

I invented a device to disrupt the watchmaking industry. I emailed a proposition to a French watchmaker. Their response?

Seiko Killer? Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like “See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?

In case you've lost track, today is December 268...

This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really exc...

What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue?

Jew-ce

During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family.

One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to it and asked in my best 11th-grade French: “Qui est-ce?” The family’s expressions told me I needed some tutoring. Instead of asking “What is it?” as I had intended, I’d asked “Who is it?”

I hate Windows Embedded systems so much...

They make me WinCE

Did anyone hear about the new North Korean dance?

Its called the Kim Jong un-ce unce unce unce unce

A doctor, a lawyer and a biker are in a bar

Doctor say" tommorow is my anniversary, I bought my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes, so if she doesn't like the ring, I know she'll like the Mercedes. Then shell know I love her".


Lawyer says "yea for my last anniversary I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer in France sees a foreigner bending down next to the river.

The foreigner leans over and voraciously scoops up water from the river to drink using his right hand. He gulps down the water hungrily, much to the farmer's shock.

The farmer runs over to the foreigner and tries to warns him in French: "Monsieur, ce n'est pas sain! Mes animaux pisse et merde...

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