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Cardiac Arrest Jokes

What did the pirate say during cardiac arrest?

"Arrrrrhh me hearty!"

Why did the philanthropist go into cardiac arrest?

There were many causes close to his heart

I saw a woman suffering cardiac arrest earlier...

She asked for me to call her an ambulance.

I did, but I think she should've asked for help instead.

Tom Petty died yesterday of a cardiac arrest

I blame the Heartbreakers

Did you heard about the cardiac arrest victim?

He was shocked when he survived

Doctor's Affair

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replie...

Did you hear about the girl who stole my heart?

The police placed her under cardiac arrest!

What's it called when a heart goes to jail?

Cardiac arrest.

the cardiologist

if a cardiologist robs a bank, and the police catch him, you are technically allowed to call it cardiac arrest

I had the most obedient dog in the world. I told him not to move a muscle

And he died of cardiac arrest.

What happens when somebody steals your heart?

They get cardiac arrested

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with heart disease suspected his wife was cheating on him...

So he came home from work early one day to find the door locked so he unlocked it and walked in, all he found was his wife and laying in bed naked.

He lit his cigarette and took a look out the window to see a young man running out of the door pulling his pants up, the man picks up the mini fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go int...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the guy who died watching porn?

Cardiac Arrest Mid-Stroke

You heard about the guy who had a heart-attack when the police entered his house?

He had a cardiac arrest

A man with heart problems wins 100 million dollars

A group of his friends are the only people who know about this and they debate how they should tell him, considering that due to his condition such a sudden news might cause his heart to stop because of joy.
So they decide that the most calm person in the group would go tell him.

The frien...

There's a new Christian drug on the market called "SkyCake," a.k.a. "The Lord's Name"...

...which causes Angelic hallucinations during the high. Like cocaine, SkyCake \ The Lord's Name must primarily be snorted. However, SkyCake is so potent, that if injected directly into the user's veins, intravenously, it may cause immediate cardiac arrest.

Thus, there's a new saying on the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's wife is in the hospital.

The doctor come into the room and says "Sir your wife is very ill and I'm afraid there isn't much we can do for her at this time." The man looks very distraught so the doctor adds in a quieter voice "look there is some anecdotal evidence that oral sex can be beneficial to people with your wife's con...

A middle aged man was walking home one friday .

Instead of taking his company bus he decided to walk up the mountain road ,see the beautiful sunset and take a train on the other side. His time calculation went wrong and it became dark ,he was still on the inclined mountain road .While walking hurriedly he noticed shadow of a man standing near a d...

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