UPJOKE
destiny's childjay-zlemonademadonnairreplaceablebeautiful liarsingle ladiesdreamgirlsobsessedforbesbillboard 200ed sheerancadillac recordsb'daybaby boy

Today I was approached by Beyonce

Today I was approached by Beyonce who had just finished setting up at the studio. She said to me, "Excuse me hon. You haven't seen my phone have you? It's pink with a 'Bubblicious' cover on it."

I said, "No, sorry. Have you tried calling it?"

She said, "No. I put it on silent."

...

What did Jay Z call Beyonce before they were married ?

Feyonce.

I told my gf that i had a crush on beyonce!

And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat"

And i said "No that's **Buoyancy**"

Pregnant - Beyonce

Pregnant with twins - Beytwice

What did Beyonce say to the boy who lost his balloon?

If you liked it then you shoulda put a string on it.

Did I tell you about the time I met Beyonce?

It wasn't an official meeting. We aren't friends. But I was at the concert venue for work and she was performing that night. She must have been there for a sound check or something. I didn't even really know it was her at first. She came up to me and asked if I had seen her phone. It was gold and st...

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

How does Beyonce describe her political beliefs?

"To the left, to the left."

Why is Beyonce always singing about going "To the left"?

Because women have no rights.

A Scotsman, Englishman, and Beyonce are on a train

The train had just left a tunnel, the Scotsman and Beyonce were acting as nothing happened, while the Englishman nurses a sore face.

The Englishman is thinking " The Scotsman must have kissed Beyonce and she slapped him, but missed and got me instead"

Beyonce is thinking " The Englishm...

I just found out that Beyonce's father was Roy Castle

Can't see her taking his name, though.

What is Beyonce's favorite letter?

o o O o o o o o o o o O

What will Beyonce say after her first twin is born?

I could have another you in a minute

Matter fact he'll be here in a minute

Beyonce held an exclusive, no pants themed, female-only party at her mansion last night!

It was the who's who of hoo-hoos.

What did Jay-Z say when Beyonce released Lemonade?

I got 100 problems.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beyonce has more black people inside her than.

Donald trumps cabinet.

What did Beyonce say to the fat girl?

"...You ate all my pringles lady, all my pringles lady."

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women have no rights.

*Sorry of this is rude/offensive and if its a repost, I just wanted to share.*

What's brown and sticky?

My poster of Beyonce.

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"

She says "Did you try call it?"

He says "Yeah but it's on silent."

She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

What do you call a black fiance

A Beyonce

I'll see myself out

Equal pay for women is not where it needs to be.

Whatever Beyonce is making, I want that.


Twitter @caredee

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.