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Balanced Jokes

Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet?

You will tip over

Fox News' slogan is "Fair and Balanced".

That's it. That's the joke.

My idea of a balanced diet...

Is a beer in each hand.

What do you call a woman with 10 pint glasses balanced on her head?

Beatrix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a count...

What's it called when bros before hoes is balanced with hoes before bros?

Homie-hoe-stasis

What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?

Tolstoichiometry

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A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:

'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'

'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'

The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato...

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Nick had always wanted to own a motorcycle, which is why he leapt at the chance when a friend of a friend was selling his bike

The bike, despite being old, was in immaculate condition.

"How do you keep it so pristine?" asks Nick.

"Oh, it's easy! Any time it's about to rain, I just coat the body with vaseline, and the rain and mud just slips right off! Here, I'm not going to need it anymore, why don't you take ...

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What's all natural, well balanced, and comes in pints?

An elephant sitting on your fence masturbating.

My doctor says I'm not eating a balanced diet...that's absurd.

I eat as many cookies with my left hand as I do with my right!

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for climbing a ladder that was balanced on top of his toilet?

It turns out that in his state, it is still illegal to get high on pot.

An egg sits perfectly balanced on the apex of a roof, the wind blows south, which way does the egg fall?

Down. The egg falls down.

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

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