We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

- Doctor, we have stabilized the pacient

- Good, what did you do?
- We put a cardboard under the leg of the bed.
- Well done team.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room.

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room. She had been doing this, and doing it well, for 45 years. She was a good nurse, always sharp as a tack, but she was getting to the point in life where she was just starting to get endearingly scatter brained. She would frequently get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab and a Jew

oil Sheikh that was in a coma and needed a blood transfusion to survive. Being O- it was hard for him to get a donor with the same rare blood type. Finally they found an old Jewish farmer that was listed as a blood donor with the same blood type. However he was very reluctant to give his blood to sa...

A priest offered to give a nun a ride (in his vehicle)

A priest offered to give a nun a lift. She got in, and crossed her legs, forcing her gown up and revealing a bit of leg.

Out of shock, the priest nearly lost control of his vehicle, swerved aggressively, and managed to re-stabilize the car.

Once he was driving safely again, he stealth...

A Pilot Is On A Plane About To Crash

A pilot is flying a plane when all of the sudden the plane begins to go down. Panicked, the pilot attempts to throw things out of the plane to make it lighter.

He announces this and is given three items a apple, a banana, and a bomb. He desperately throws them all out of the window one at a ...

My psychiatrist explained why I was depressed

Doctor: I believe you are feeling isolated, lonely, and inadequate because your body is going through extreme hormonal changes. This is very common.

Me: Really? It's made me worried on top of everything else.

Doctor: I can recommend some medication to try and stabilize your hormones, b...

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