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Aliens Jokes

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

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An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into th...

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Let’s have illegal aliens hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship.

We’ll call it “Aliens vs. Predators”

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There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.

It was SpaceXXX.

Why don't aliens visit Earth

Bc we have 1 star rating...

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

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Two Aliens

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The ...

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

How do you know aliens are not vegan?

Because they haven't contacted us to say it.

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If aliens are monitoring our media and 98% of the internet is porn...

They're not giving us anal probes. They're just trying to speak our language

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Aliens invade earth

A flying saucer comes down one day. A group of heavily armed, green-skinned extraterrestrials disembark carrying enormous weapons.

One opens his mouth and announces "Greetings Earthlings! You have 72 hours to bring us your world leader! If he finds favor in our eyes, you will be spared. If ...

Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

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What’s the best way to see aliens having sex?

Go on Porn Hubble

Did you know that cows are actually aliens?

They come from the mooooooon

Aliens arrive on earth

And all political and religious leaders line up to meet with them.

Finally it's the Pope's turn, and he asks them about Jesus.

P: "So have you heard about Jesus?"

A: "Yeah! Nice guy, comes to visit every year!"

The Pope is puzzled by this, and he replies "that's weird, ...

Three Aliens are discussing the fate of earth.

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster.

But I still have never seen a BMW driver use his turn signals.

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

Now they can't remember the experiments.

How do redneck aliens abduct people?

Tractor beam

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate?

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope excla...

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

Which event on earth do aliens hate the most?

Miss Universe

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Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

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Humans: Fuck off, Aliens!

Aliens: UFO!

I got abducted by aliens...

I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.

It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.

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One night, two aliens descend from outer space...

...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps.
The little alien says
"Take me to your leader."
The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats
"Take me to your lea...

A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope

Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.

Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, alwa...

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

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Aliens Encounter A Gas Station

Two aliens from outer space come down to Earth and land next to a gas station. They debate who to talk to and approach a gas pump. The one alien commands, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The alien gets angry, points his ray gun and says, "Take me to to your leader or I'll zap you to dust!...

If aliens really landed in America

"Take me to your leader"

"... you sure?"

What do aliens spread on their toast?

Space jam.

What do you give an Alien

Some Space

Aliens invade the planet

Aliens invade the planet and take every living being prisoner and contains them in a facilty. The aliens then set up machines here and there which are similar to vending machines but they dispense any animal/human/living thing which they keep as pets. The living being requested is random so it's a f...

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(NSFW) An Alien craft lands in the middle of nowhere. One of the aliens walks up to a gas pump and says "Take me to your leader"...

An Alien craft lands in the middle of nowhere. One of the aliens walks up to a gas pump and says "Take me to your leader".

The gas pump doesn't respond.

The alien repeats his demand "Take me to your leader"

Again, the gas pump does not respond. The alien starts to get a litt...

Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.

They're always raising the steaks.

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

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Two aliens land at a deserted gas station...

Two aliens land at a deserted gas station. They climb out of their space ship and all they can see is a gas pump.

The first alien looks right at the gas pump and says “Take me to your leader”.

Not surprisingly the gas pump says nothing.

The alien repeats “Take me to you lead...

How do aliens harvest their crops?

With tractor beams.

Two Aliens come to our Planet

They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don't stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers th...

Aliens: "We've come to destroy the Earth."

Greta: "It's a bit late, right?"

Aliens and Humans

"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?

Human: we are an advanced species

A: how do you travel?

H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"

Four Aliens

The are four aliens passing by our solar system. The don’t know a word of English. Their spaceship malfunctions and they manage to eject the escape pods before they crash land on Earth. Each alien lands in a different spot on the planet. They each decide they might as well try to learn some English ...

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Two aliens land on Earth in the middle of nowhere near a gas station and one of them gets out to make first contact.

He goes to the gas pump and says "Hello, we're from outer space, and we'd like to establish relations, how can I find your leader?"

Obviously, the pump doesn't respond so the alien is rather annoyed by such rudeness but he tries again.

"Yeah so we're just trying to get in touch with yo...

Does anyone have any good jokes about aliens?

There must be some out there somewhere.

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Truck driver Mike and the alien

I'm from Germany, so I hope it doesn't get lost in translation.
Mike the truck driver is on the highway at night when the radio station he's listening to sends a special report about UFO's and aliens been spotted only a bit in front of him. "... they're about 4 feet tall with arms reaching...

President Trump! What about the aliens from space?

We need a ROOF!

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

What do Mexicans call aliens?

Greengos

Two aliens are sitting at a bar

One goes "florbfk ajdbkfkf unsb lodsa"
And the other frowns and said "dude your wasted, just go home.

Three aliens

Three aliens, Bu; Chu and Fu, are sent to Earth to document local civilization. They land in America, and use advanced technology to make themselves look human. After they collected some data (including large percentage of English language), Bu said to the others: "Maybe we should change our names t...

How do aliens make babies?

They have SpaceX

Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens.

They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.

I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."

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Aliens visited the earth one day

They only want peace and help human technology advance and started to beam all world leaders into their ship. Almost all countries' leaders are inside the ship except for the Vatican, where the Pope is still speaking with the public.

After the speech, the aliens hovered above and beamed the P...

Why do aliens have 3 balls?

It's an an extra terrestrical.

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Aliens be like

No homo

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

Why haven't we found aliens yet?

Because they are searching for intelligent life too.

What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy officers have in common?

Both came in WAVES.

Two aliens are sitting in their spaceship looking at the earth.

One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander "the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I've ever seen".

The commander says "maybe it would be unwise for us to invade t...

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?

Because all they do is colonize

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