What is an acorn?

It's an oak tree, in a nutshell.



Hahah my friend told me this. Credits to him.

What kind of tree grows when you plant an acorn in the snow?

A burrrrrrr oak

Roses are red, Acorns are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

I asked my dad to simply explain what an acorn is.

He said, "It's an oak tree, in a nutshell."

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There’s a squirrel sitting in an acorn tree, doing squirrel stuff...

When he notices an elephant approach and begin to climb the tree. He’s baffled and yells down ‘WHAT are you doing?!’

The elephant nonchalantly replies ‘I’m just coming up to eat oranges’. The squirrel snorts and shouts back ‘you IDIOT; this is an acorn tree!’

The elephant, now nearin...

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Ever had sex with an acorn?

Its fucking nuts!

Ever had sex while camping? Its fucking intents!

Ever heard of a brain prostitute? It'll blow your mind!

On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield.

It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.

What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Geometry

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I once caught my ex-girlfriend putting acorns into her vagina...

She was fucking nuts.

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

What do they call acorns in the hood?

TREEZ NUTS!

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by the police.

The girls decided to go up 3 different trees and hide.

The brunette hid in the apple tree. The redhead hid in the lemon tree, and the blonde hid in the oak tree.

The policeman went to the apple tree and said, “Is there anyone up there?"

The brunette went, "meow"

The poli...

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Did you hear about the squirrel who had sex with his acorns instead of eating them?

It was fucking nuts

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Saw this squirrel humping an acorn the other day

It was fuckin nuts

Staking a claim

In 1897 a young man set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect for gold.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses t...

It my Reddit bday. Celebrate and sing with me the dirtiest clean song you’ll ever sing!

Sing this out loud:

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
And every morning he played with his banjo,
In the moonlight, to the lady next door,
And you could tell just by looking that she was a,
Decent young lady who lay in the grass,
And when she rolled over you could s...

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The Girl with the Wooden Eye

Another of my old man's jokes...

A girl and her friend are sitting in a busy night club where lots of people are dancing. The friend says, 'Honey, you should find someone to dance with.' The girl says, " I don't know, I'm so self conscious about my wooden eye. Guys always stare at it and make...

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Three farmers go out to the State Fair.

On their way driving to the fair they pass a farm with a little monkey picking up acorns and putting them in a basket. They look at it, but still stay in their way to the fair. As they are walking through they see a sign for a contest of the heaviest pig. To their surprise the 1st Place prize money ...

One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence

The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:

Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'...

The adopted bunny

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit. It had a tendency to scurry up trees like its step-siblings instead of hopping along the ground. And it ate a...

What do you call the single grain of corn on the tree?

Acorn

All the forest animals are having a big car show..

..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.

"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"

"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the...

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Squirrel sex

What did the squirrel say after fucking an acorn?

Best nut of my life

The Lion's Birthday

Here's a joke my dad told me once. The story is set in the jungle. It's the lion's birthday today, and everyone is rushing to get the king a birthday present. The lion demands food. Everybody lines up.

The lion roars,

"If you get me something that hurts my teeth, I'll shove it up your...

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