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70's Jokes

What do you call a 70's cookie band?

OREO Speedwagon

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Burt and Molly who were in their 70's were lying in bed one night.

Burt was falling asleep but Molly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily Burt reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly ir...

So there was a 70's themed club playing 2000's music

When a man walked with a gun and fired a few rounds into the air, but nothing changed


Because there was already panic at the disco

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This couple in their 70's wanted to spice up their sex life.

So the wife thought it would be a great idea to suprise her husband one night. That night she put on her super hero costume and hopped on the bed where her husband was laying and yelled "Super pussy!" To which the husband, hard if hearing, says "I'll have the soup please!"

In the 70's my friend was a high class call girl

Her 'pimp' was movie star Michael Caine, he got her the highest profile jobs in the industry and she got to 'work' with a lot of famous people.

This particular time she was at the Isle of Wight music festival and had to go and 'service' some musicians, well she gets back stage and there they...

Wells Fargo has been swindling people since the 70's

The 1870's.

Have I got a favourite 70's rock band?

Yes.

What do Debbie Reynolds and 70's teenagers have in common?

They both stroked because they wanted to be with Carrie

My dad called in and told this joke to win a corny joke contest in the 70's

What has two knees and swims in the ocean?

A Two-knee fish!.....

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music…

At first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two prostitutes are hanging out on a corner in the 70's when one asks the other, "Hey, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The other says "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

Slow Fonz

Fonz was a man in his mid-70's who still loved the ladies a lot. So once or twice a week he visited the red lights district. The ladies did not like seeing him open their door. Not that Fonz was a brute or something, it just took ages for him to come.

So one day he's banging Cherry. After wh...

Hey Dad, you hear the one about the illegitimate cereal?

Snap, Crackle, and no Pop.

(I got that from this '70's movie)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do porn and heavy metal have in common?

Both used to have a lot more hair back in the 70's and 80's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN 70's AGE GROUP
MUST NOT BEAT ME
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

...

What if Netflix doubled as a dating service

Like “here are 7 other singles close by that also watched That 70's Show for 8 hours straight.”

[credit to Mohammed Ali - r.i.p] Mohammed Ali walked on an Elevator...

He sees a guy and a pregnant woman in the elevator.

Ali looks at the guy and says "I swear I never saw her before in my life".


note: this really happened. Older family members who bumped into him in the late 70's to early 80's said he was really funny in real life.

Bobby Charlton was asked

Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland. " I think we'd have won 1-0 " he replied. "Only 1-0?" Said the reporter. "Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

R.I.P Bob

Bob was a bus conductor-cum-driver. He had been going through rough times, with his wife leaving him for his best friend. One day on the job, he saw a young woman, probably in her early 20's signalling for the bus. Bob couldn't hold his rage in anymore and vented his frustration on the pedal, killin...

A rabbit enters a bakery ...

... "D'you had 100 pieces of buns?"
"No we don't have that many," answers the baker.

On the next day, the rabbit comes to the bakery again.
"D'you had 100 pieces of buns today?"
"I'm sorry, no, we still don't have that many," the baker says.

On the third day the baker is...

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