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The Godfather Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and th...

I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...

He made me an offer I couldn’t understand.

Was the horse head scene in the Godfather…..

A one horse slay?

I heard they’re rebooting The Godfather and replacing the humans with sharks

It’ll be called The Megalodon.

In the famous severed horse head scene in The Godfather they originally were going to use a Swordfish.

It didn't really fit in with the marlin brand-though.

The Godfather

An old Italian man was dying, so he called his grandson to his bedside: “Guido, I wan’ you to lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”

“Yo...

What do you call a swordfish that acts out scenes from the Godfather?

Marlin Brando

What kind of coffee does The Godfather drink in the morning?

An alpuccino

Did you hear about the astrophysicist that upset the Godfather?

He woke up with a horsehead nebula in his bed.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?

An offer you can't understand.

What do you get when David Lynch directs a remake of The Godfather?

Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

Did you know that Jesus was with the Italian Mafia?

It’s true! His dad was the Godfather.

Vinny the Hitman's birthday

On his birthday, Vinny, a professional hitman, is getting ready to go out, when suddenly, a large group of mobsters shows up at hist front door.


"Vinny," say the mobsters, "it's your birthday. Come on, we've booked you an entire restaurant. Let's go."


"Oh my god guys," says Vin...

Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans

Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"

Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"

Sister: "Sirius Black"

Took me a minute.

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