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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord

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So a guy and a girl are making out and begin having sex on the hood of her Honda civic, suddenly the man stops.

He said, im sorry i can only only have sex on my own Accord

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

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My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

Three men are waiting in front of the gates to heaven...

God comes to the first man and asks him how many times have you cheated on your wife? The man says “never would I cheat on my wife. I love her very much”. God looks at him for a second and says “ahh you can’t fool me, I’m god! You’ve cheated on her 10 times! As your punishment, you will have to d...

3 guys end up at the pearly gates...

St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley D...

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New Guy from Texas [Read till the end]

A middle-aged man from Texas moves to Australia and decides to get a temporary gig until his job placement is fixed. Luckily, not far from his residence there is one of those "one stop shop" stores, and he gets to be the cashier / salesman.

After the first day the boss came down to see how th...

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

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A guy who has spent his whole life in the outback of Australia decides he wants a change in his life, so he moves to the city.

He arrives in Sydney, and the first thing he does is looks for a job. He goes to the biggest department store downtown and applies for a job. The HR rep asks him if he has any experience in sales. So the guy says 'yea I was considered one of the best salesmen out Bush'. The rep isn't amused. 'This ...

3 guys die and go to heaven...

St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and ...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates.

Jesus says, "Congratulations, you've all made it to heaven. However, God decided to replace the stairway to heaven with a 100-mile highway. How loyal you were to your spouse in your life decides the quality of the vehicle you get."

The first man walks up to Jesus. He says, "I was completely l...

Three men die and go to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven.

He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a F...

A guy unfortunately becomes a widower, wants to put an obituary in the local paper...

... He rings them up, asks how much it costs.
"One dollar per word", says the clerk.
"Ok, here's the message: "Martha dead"
The clerk pauses and replies:
"You know, people normally say a bit more. If it's the price, yaknow, we have a special on now, pay for 3, get 3 free."
"...

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Three old men die and go to heaven...

...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity.

He looks to the first man and says "You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and we...

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