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360 Jokes

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They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

I gave my XBOX a 360, it was fun...

And I was like: "Wii!"

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The US Military had too many commanding officers so it offered a significant lump sum to those who retired...

They would measure whoever retired from one point on their body to another and pay $5,000 per inch. The first general asked to be measured from the top of his head to his tip toes and was paid $360,000. The second general was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched...

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I needed to turn my life around so I did a 360

Because spins are fun and change is fucking hard.

What was Princess Diana's favorite thing about the Xbox 360?

The dashboard.

Is it true that the French Government banned the Xbox 360 and PS3 back in the day?

Wii

If you want to go to heaven, make sure your sin count is divisible by 360.

Because sin(360)=sin(0).

A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000.

He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The youn...

I knew I was going to fail my maths test when I entered the classroom

So I did a 360 and left.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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3 men are granted 3 wishes

3 men stumble upon a lamp and they rub it, and out comes a genie. The genie says

"I will grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man thinks long and hard, and then says

"I want to have a million dollars"

The genie snaps his fingers and poof, the man now has a million dol...

Couple at a Bull Auction

This couple goes to an agriculture show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull produced 60 times last year." The wife nudges her husband in...

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

Every time I see a femboy I will:

Turn 360 degrees and walk away

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

When I'm too tired to properly shower, I just go in, do a quick spin, and leave

It's called a 360 no soap

Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees

I stepped on the scale today and I only weighted 150 lbs.

Not sure why the dial spun a full 360 before it stopped on 150 though.

Everybody has an angle at which they look bad or unflattering.

Mine, for example, is 360°.

Why don't they make refrigerators circular?

Because that would make them 360 degrees.

What do you call it when somebody kills a perfect circle of religious leaders?

A 360 No-Pope

What happens when a CS:GO streamer experiences psychological trauma ?

They use a 360-no-scoping mechanism.

How do you snipe a vertical line?

360 no slope it.

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For my cake day I’ve decided to share my favourite cake recipe

I used to have trouble remembering how I did it, so this time I wrote it down while making it.

You’ll need 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1...bottle Vodka,2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to che...

A guy is driving down the road in a company car...

... and receives a call on his carphone. It's from his area manager.

"Hey Mike," he says. "I just wanted to give you a call to say I am leaving the company and the board wanted me to be the one to tell you that they want you to take my job. It'll mean a pay rise, more responsibility and a muc...

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Soviet Russia. Verbal history exam

The professor asks the first student

"Comrade, what ideology does your father follow?"


"He is a monarchist" replies the student


"And when was our great nation established" asks the professor.


"Tsardom of Russia was established 1547" replies the student ...

Just got back from my psychiatrist appointment this morning.

After 10 minutes of chatting She told me I had a split personality and charged me $360.... I gave her $180 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

Four women were talking to one another about their sons, whom all were men of the cloth

The first woman said, "I'm so proud of my son. He's a monsignor, and when he enters the room, everyone calls him 'His Holiness.'" The second woman said, "My son is a Cardinal, and everyone calls him 'His Excellence' when he enters a room." The third woman said, "My son is a bishop, and when he enter...

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

I burnt my hand on a round stove plate.

It was 360 degrees.

What do you call a hooker that was shot by a sniper?

360 hoscope

What did the gamer say when he assassinated the Pope?

360 NO POPE!!!!

iPhone 7 is revolutionary!

•no headphones jack
•no wireless charging
•no curved screen
•no 4K resolution (or even full HD) screen
•no VR headset support
•no 360 camera support
•no expansion storage slot

It is true revolution in scamming people to upgrade from old iPhones!

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A G...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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Timmy's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christm...

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