Why did the fat kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of KKK.

It was a cult classic.

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While waiting in line at an ice cream shop an elderly woman orders a plain chocolate cone.

The man behind the counter said “we’re out of chocolate today but there are other flavors with chocolate in them, what would you like?”

She again attempts to order plain chocolate. The man repeats “Ma’am we’re out of chocolate today but there are other flavors with chocolate in them, what wou...

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When I go to McDonalds I always ask for a 50c cone...

But the bastards keep giving me ice cream.

A penguin was driving down the street eating a vanilla ice cream cone.

He started having car trouble, so he pulled to the side of the road.

A little while later some cops pull up to help.

After they check his car, they tell him, "It looks like you blew a seal" and he goes, "Oh, no, I was just eating an ice cream cone"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer ...

What do you call someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is?

a smart ass

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said

"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied

"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly

"I wanna lick it." I said

She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I sai...

I bought a TV from a guy wearing a white outfit and a white cone mask

It was a 3k tv

A young boy enters a barber shop..

...and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
...

I went to a museum of modern art the other day and saw a cone statue.

I really enjoyed it and would have liked to prolong my visit, but it was truncated.

Where's the best place to store ice cream cones?

Conetainers

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A Marine Corps is training in the woods

They have to disguise themselves as trees and stand still until their Drill Seargent allows them to move.

After 17 hours one of the soldiers freaks out and starts jumping around. The Seargent, visibly upset, approaches him.

Seargent: „Soldier! What the fuck are you doing?“

Soldi...

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic...

The mechanic says “Go get something to eat, this will take a while.”

So the penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor across the street. He orders his ice cream but his flippers can’t hold onto the cone. So he just dives right in.

Ice cream is everywhere.

Afterward, he walks ...

What’s a road worker’s favourite TV show?

Game of Cones

Penguin car trouble...

A penguin is driving his car when it starts to make an odd sound, so he pulls into a local auto garage and asks to have it looked at. The mechanic says it will take a while, so the penguin goes for a walk. The penguin is gone for some time, and on his way back decides to stop for ice cream. As so...

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

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Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach

​

They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks ...

A penguin is driving through the desert...

He's cruising down a long stretch of highway when all of a sudden his car starts billowing smoke out from under the hood. The car starts sputtering, and being so far from home and in such heat, he starts to worry about his own safety. Luckily, as his car starts to come to a halt, he notices a gas st...

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You know how they say blondes are dumb?

A blonde walks into an ice cream shop

She's greeted by the cashier who says welcome to my ice cream shop we have almost every flavor you can think of but unfortunately we are out of all chocolate items including ice cream and toppings so what are you having today miss?

She replies can ...

A penguin driving through the desert

started to have car trouble, so he decided to drive to the nearest mechanic to get his car checked out. After he dropped his car off, he decided to walk down the block to get some ice cream, since it was a particularly hot day. Unfortunately, he was only able to devour about half of his vanilla cone...

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Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to th...

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

A penguin is driving down a desert road...

...when he hears a strange sound coming from his engine.

At the next town he pulls into the service shop and asks for help.

The mechanic says, “It’s gonna take about 20 minuets to check this out. You look pretty hot, you should go get an Ice Cream at the shop across the street to coo...

A penguin, some ice cream, and a mechanic.

A penguin is driving in the desert on a remote highway, when his car suddenly begins making funny noises, and smoke begins pouring out of the engine.

He pulls into a gas station that also happens to have a mechanic. He asks the mechanic about his car being fixed.

“I’ll take a look at ...

Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...

Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one t...

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Chocolate

Yesterday, right before closing my ice cream shop for the night after a very busy day, a lady came in and ordered some chocolate ice cream.

So I looked grabbed a cone and looked down to scoop out some chocolate ice cream to see that I had none.

"Sorry ma'm, we are currently out of ...

A penguin’s car breaks down in a small town.

Luckily he breaks down near a garage so he walks in and ask the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic says he can take a look in about an hour and suggests the penguin hang out in the local Dairy Queen to kill some time.

The penguin walks over and orders a large waffle cone and starts to ea...

A tree went to the psychologist...

He told him that the rest of the trees in the forest had not been very nice to him.

They all had beautiful colorful fruits and flowers. They made fun of his pine cones and spiked leaves. He stayed the same boring green all year and never lived up to the beauty of the other trees.

He ...

A penguin was driving his car through town...

A penguin is driving through town when his car breaks down.

He pushes it into the nearest mechanic shop, drops it off and the mechanic says he’ll have a look and to give him an hour.

So the penguin goes for a walk around town, down to the beach, has a bit of a wander around and then de...

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Whic...

Why did the stoner fail his driving test?

He kept hitting cones.

Why are pine trees always stoned ?

They have to many cones

Little Johnny was sitting in math class when the teacher posed a problem.

The teacher stated "There are 10 crows sitting on a fence when a farmer fires his shotgun. Seven of the crows flew away. How many are left?"

Johnny replied "There are none left."

The teacher replied "Well, if there are ten and seven leave, then there would be three left."

John...

Age Of innocence

“Mommy, my turtle’s dead,” Andrew sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her.

His mother kissed him on the head and said, “That’s all right. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and then have a nice burial ceremony in the backyard. After that, we’ll go out ...

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At the magic Ice cream parlor [nsfw]

This ice cream parlor was famous for creating the exact taste you asked for so a critic went to check it out.

First try, he asks for the taste of the first harvest of grapes of the season. The man behind the counter dissapears for a few minutes and comes back with a cone. And lo and behold, ...

What do you call it when two ice creams want to have a child

Cone-ception

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So a guy walks into an ice cream shop..

He asks the clerk 'hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?'

The clerk politely responds 'Im sorry we're fresh out of vanilla'

The man clearly disappointed says 'ah shucks alright I guess I'll just take a pint of vanilla'

The clerk slightly agitated states 'Sir we are complet...

A penguin on a road trip through...

...the desert noticed steam coming out from under the hood of his car pulled over in a small town. He found a walrus working in a service station who said he could fix it straight away. Penguin was understandably hot and asked where he could find a cool treat. Walrus mechanic told him about an ice ...

A penguin is driving down the road and her car starts making a funny noise...

She finds a repair shop and drops it off to get it repaired. While she’s waiting, she notices an ice cream shop nearby, so she goes over to get a cone. On her way back, the ice cream starts to melt and ends up getting on her lips and around her mouth. Walking up to her car, the mechanic lifts his h...

A five year old boy won't stop sucking his thumb...

His mother has tried everything: gloves on his hands, bad-tasting glaze on his fingernails, rewards charts, etc., but somehow or another her son would always end up with his thumb back in his mouth.

Finally, after many exasperating months, the mother bursts out with, "Listen, son: Every time ...

Another penguin joke. nsfw

A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.

Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.

Later, he returns to the mec...

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Little Jonny saw his dad smoking.

"Dad, can I try that?" said Jonny.
His dad replies, "Does your dick touch your ass hole?"
"No."
"You can't smoke until your dick can touch your ass hole little Jonny."

A day later little Jonny sees his dad drinking a beer.
"Dad, can I try that?" said Jonny.
His dad ...

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So they had this kid. He was a little slow. Well, a lot slow....

He had just got his allowance and heard the ice cream truck nearby. He ran outside and chased down the truck.

Ice cream man>>>” Can I help y....“

Boy>>>“OooOoo Ah want some thocolate!” He screamed before the ice cream man could finish.

ICM>>>“Oh I’m ...

By the book

Lady looks out her window and sees a couple of Parks and Recreation guys setting up cones before they start work.

They finish and one guy digs a big hole by the sidewalk.

He finishes, they chat and drink coffee, then he walks about 10 yards away and starts a second hole, meanwhile, the...

Penguin driving through the desert

It's 100* day and he's cruising along until his car starts smoking. He takes it easy until he makes it to a small town and finds a mechanic. The mechanic says to come back in an hour, so the penguin decides to explore the small town.

There's not much to see but he does find an ice cream shop...

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So, a penguin is driving down the road...

So, a penguin is driving down the road in his truck. His truck starts to sputter, so he pulls into a town and finds a mechanic shop. The mechanic says, "Well Mr. Penguin you should go downtown and get something to eat while I see what is wrong with your truck here."
"Great idea!" says Mr. Penguin...

Ugly scenes

Ugly scenes in centre of Leicester this evening

An 'anti Trump' protestor threw a traffic cone, narrowly missing US President by 5802 miles

It's only Ice cream!

A penguin decides he was sick of living in the antarctic and wants to go see the world.

So he decides he's going to drive through the Americas. Anyways he's been driving up from South America and he makes it to Arizona when he gets a flat tire.

He finds a garage to take his car to an...

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

So a penguin is driving down the road when his car starts making a weird noise.

The penguin sees a mechanic shop up the road and decides that he’ll stop there. He says to the mechanic, “Listen my car is making this weird noise, could ya take a look at it?” The mechanic says, “Sure! Doesn’t look too bad. Should only take 20 minutes.”

Feeling relieved, the penguin walks ou...

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A man goes into an ice cream store...

The man asks for a sugar cone with a scoop of chocolate.

The counter man says "I'm sorry sir, but we are out of chocolate."

"Oh, I see" says the man. "Well, in that case, I'll just have a a cup of ice cream, no cone."

"No problem" the counter guy replies "What flavor?"

"...

Little Jonny is having a difficult time with the math lesson so...

The teacher, Miss Cooper decides to use a situation that little Jonny can relate to. She knows little Jonny likes to hunt birds so she asks little Jonny "if there are if 5 birds on a wooden fence and you shoot one how many are left"? Little Jonny replies "none" once you shoot one the other birds fly...

A penguin has car trouble

A penguin’s driving down the highway when his engine starts sputtering and smoking. He gets off at the next exit and finds the nearest garage. The penguin proceeds to tell the mechanic what happened and the mechanic says “Give me 10 minutes to look at it to see if I can find the problem.”

The...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

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Whaddya call ophthalmologist porn?

Rods and Cones

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Chocolate icecream

A woman walks into a 31 flavors and asks the guy behind the counter for a gallon of chocolate icecream. "I'm sorry ma'am, we are all out of chocolate icecream but there are 30 other flavors to choose from." she continues to look around and goes back to the counter and asks for a pint of chocolate i...

A Penguin took his car to the shop

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out.

The mechanic said it'll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, b...

A penguin is driving his car

When suddenly the car starts making rattling noises, smoke starts pouring from under the hood, and it continues to move forward by jumps and lurches. The Penguin sees an auto-shop up ahead and slowly pulls his car into the lot. The mechanic comes out and informs the penguin that's going to take ab...

So a penguin is driving down the road...

...and he's going through a very small town in the middle of nowhere when his car starts making a lot of weird noises. He decides to swing by a mechanic's shop and explains to the mechanic that his car keeps making really strange noises and asks him if he can figure out what the problem is.

"...

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Ice Cream Shoppe

A guy goes into an ice cream parlor. He walks up to the man at the counter and says, "I'd like some chocolate ice cream in a bowl, please." "I'm sorry, sir," says the man, "but I'm afraid we're out of chocolate." "Oh," says the man. "In that case I'll have some chocolate in a cone." So the man says,...

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

A penguin's car breaks down so he takes it to the mechanic...

A penguin's car breaks down on a hot summer day so he has it towed to his mechanic, who is a polar bear. The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour before he can get to the car, so the penguin takes a walk around the neighborhood. He stops at a magazine stand and gets a paper, buys an ice c...

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A little boy sees his grandpa drinking bourbon and gets curious...[NSFW]

A little boy sees his grandpa drinking bourbon and gets curious. "Grandpa," he says, "Can I have some of your drink." His grandpa responds, "Can your dick reach your butthole yet?" The little boy is confused and says no. "Well then you're too young to drink my bourbon, son."

A few days later ...

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Can your dick touch your asshole?

A little boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. The little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" The Grandpa replies, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The little boy says no. So the Grandpa says "Then you're n...

A blown gasket.

A penguin is driving in the hot Arizona desert when smoke starts to bellow out from underneath the hood. He just so happens so see a service station so pulls in. He walks up to the attendant.

"Sir. Would you mind looking at my car?"

"No not at all, give me about five or ten minutes and...

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[Long] A woman walks up to an ice cream shop...

She asks the man running the shop for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone.

The man replied, "I'm sorry, but the freezer where we kept all the chocolate ice cream broke, so we don't have any kind of chocolate ice cream in the shop. Can we get you anything else?"

The woman t...

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