What kind of tree has branches with angles that all add up to 180 degrees?

A Trigonome-Tree.

You should never put anything in the oven at 180 degrees...

You are just going to drop all the food...

Instructions said to preheat oven at 180 degrees

Not sure i'll try this recipe again, turning the oven upside down was a real back breaker...

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

I couldn't figure out the answer to 180˚/ π on my math test.

So the girl next to me let me cheat off her.

It was rad.

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

I got a ticket because I did 180 on the highway

Truth be told I was only going 15 but they don’t like U-Turns

I took an IQ test and just got the results…

It came back positive which is great news, other bit of good news for all you guys:
I got 15/180 on my HIV test

I just got this crazy new car that drives 180 mph on the highway

However, the dealership and the police don’t like the car as much

My rich cousin's hummer-porschaghini (Long)

So I have this cousin who is absolutely loaded and he had this idea he would pay the best mechanic around to build him custom car.

He wanted the body of a Lamborghini, with the engine of a Porsche, and all the amazing features of an original hummer. He decided to call it the Hummer-porschagh...

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “A...

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven rather than a cooking tray?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.

I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

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The Old Lady Who Makes Bets

A little old lady went into the headquarters of the Bank of America one day, carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"



The receptionist objected, stating, "You can't just wa...

What do you call a drone that looks exactly the same when you turn it around 180°?

A palindrone

Do Rumanians get upset when they get asked about Vampires?

I asked my Rumanian friend whether he ever gets upset when people ask him whether his relatives were Vampires.

He said "Of course not, That has only happened two or three times this past 180 years."

I used to hate tractors, but I did a complete 180

Now I'm protractor.

What do you call the path of a truck turning 180 degrees?

A semi-circle.

I'm happier and healthier now that I've lost 180 pounds (81.6 kg) of ugly fat!

Thanks Divorce^TM !

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Cakepilation

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ...

What is the difference between a $200 wine and a $20 wine

$180

I don't get why women are complaining that Plan B doesn't work if you're over 180 lbs

If she's over 180 lbs, she's already Plan B!

Wherever you are, if you need a romantic evening, call 180-LONG.

It's the International Date Line.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

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An aircraft control tower suddenly last communication with a small twin engine aircraft

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!
He yelled,Mayday, mayday!
The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and h...

A cop pulls over a car going 45 mph down the highway.

As he walks up to the drivers side window he notices that it is a little old lady driving the vehicle with her friend in the passenger seat. When the old lady rolls down her window, the cop asks why she was driving so slow. The old lady simple replied that she was going the speed limit and gestured ...

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One day a new stage play was released that was supposed to be the #1 comedy of the year.

Unfortunately from the get go it had poor reviews frequently stating that it just wasn't that funny. The writer of the script was at a loss and was getting ready to cancel the show when his friend called.

He told him he had just watched the show and true to the reviews it was pretty terrible...

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Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

Having a huge party to celebrate making my last mortgage payment!

I still owe like $180,000, I'm just not going to pay anymore.

If 2020 was a math problem.

You are flying over the desert at 180 KPH, You are flying Due north with the wind coming from the west at 40 KPH. The current is flowing at 30 knots due east. How many 20 lb watermelons will fill a football field during the full moon?

Two woman riding in an elevator in a very lavish and posh building..,,

when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, at $180.Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5...

An old man was in his Lamborghini, driving down a highway (long joke)

He was driving 100 mph down a highway, when suddenly he saw the police chasing him. So, he starts speeding up, 140, 150, then 180.

Suddenly, he slows down and thinks, “I’m too old for this.”

He pulls over, and waits for the police officer to catch up. The officer gets out of the car, a...

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A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop says: "You were going 55 mph in a 30 zone"

The man says: "Sorry sir, but i'm late for work."

Cop asks: "What kind of work do you do?"

Man replies: "I work in a penis enlargment factory."

Cop asks: "Really? How does that work?"

Man: You just stretch out a c...

The guy who invented USB died...

At the funeral they had to do a 180 with his coffin to get it in the hole.

The old man speeding

An old age pensioner drove his brand new BMW up to 120 kmph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Garda Car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 160, ... then 180 ... Suddenly he thought,

" I'm too old for this nonsense !! "

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited...

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An Asian Man Walks Up to A Bank Teller To Exchange Yen for Dollars....

The teller gives him $180.

The Asian man complains: "But yestaday, I get $200. Why less today?"

The teller shrugs and replies: "Fluctuations"

Livid, the Asian man yells "Well, fuck you Americans too!"

They say Harriet Tubman escorted 300 slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad...

If you do the math, that's only 180 people.

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Little Timmy is given the homework: find the first four letters of the alphabet

Timmy didn't have internet access, so he asked his mother for the first letter. She was cooking an burned herself and screamed "oh fuck off." So Timmy wrote that down. Then he went to his father, who was watching darts, to ask for the second letter. He shouted "180!" So Timmy wrote that down. Then h...

If my great-great-grandfather were still alive, he’d be one of the most famous people in the world...

...because he’d be like 180 years old by now!

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

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A Japanese woman is trying to exchange Yen for Dollars at a bank

With a baffled look on her face, she angrily demands, “Yesterday, it was 180 Yen to a dollar, today it’s 200. Why is that?”
The banker responds, “Fluctuations”
The woman snaps back, “Well, fuck you white people, too!”

What do you call an angel that turned evil?

A 180° Angel

There was once a college math professor

While he was on tenure, he decided to continue taking classes in other subject areas because they were offered to him at a discounted cost. After 40 years of teaching, the professor decided to retire. Over his time working, he had amassed enough credits to have completed 180 different major programs...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

He is informed upon arrival that his room is not yet ready.

"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it is the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others," the doorman, Clyde, tells him. Einstein says that is perfectly fine and there isn't a...

Why are people always hotter when they're standing up?

Sitting down they're only 90 degrees, standing up they're 180.

Just got back from my psychiatrist appointment this morning.

After 10 minutes of chatting She told me I had a split personality and charged me $360.... I gave her $180 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

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...and that's how the fight started

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

___...

Paddy met Angus in a pub

Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said “does ye know what I did last night, eh?”

Paddy had no idea, and Angus said “I’m a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!”

Paddy was impressed. He said to Angus “wow, that’s astonishing! When you sell ‘em, give me some mone...

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

What's the point of spending $90 to be stuck in an escape room when I can go to IKEA for free

And spend $180 on furniture I didn't need

Joke in description

There was a child,
His teacher asked him to learn the first four letters of the alphabet,
He asked his mom for the first and she said “shut up” because she was on the phone,
He asked his dad for the second and he said “180!” because he was playing darts,
He asked his sister for the third...

Donald Trump should take up skateboarding.

He flips some sick 180s.

My girlfriend and I tried playing doctor...

She stayed over the weekend and I sent her a bill for $180,000.

A Farmer goes to town

and enters a lawyer's office. "Mr. Lawyer," he says, "I'd like to get one of them die-vorces."

"Well," replies the lawyer, "do you have any grounds?"

"Yessir, 'bout 180 acres out near the county line."

"No, what I meant was, do you have a case?"

"Naw, but I do have a John...

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The pope is in Mexico visiting. He lowers the partition and kindly asks if he can drive.....

Driver: Excuse me your excellency?

Pope: I said, would you mind if I drive today?

Driver: B..bu...but, sir I will most certainly loose my job if I did that.

Pope: In all these years I have never driven. I used to enjoy driving so very much. I promise, you will not loose your...

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A Black Soldier vs. An Indian

Some black soldiers and an Indian tribe are in a war. A black solider has dug in and is on the front line in a foxhole. The Indian is out patrolling to make contact with the enemy. The two soldiers come across one another and hold their ground. There's obviously an inability to verbally communic...

A french, an english and a german general are talking about submarine technology

The French general tells them their submarines can stay underwater for three days.

The British says theirs can stay submerged for 180 days

Suddenly a submarine comes up. A man comes out and shouts: "SIEG HEIL. Wir brauchen Sprit!"

A Chinese man goes into a bank ...

... to exchange some Chinese yuan for American dollars. The teller finishes counting the man's currency, looks up that day's exchange rate, computes the conversion and quickly counts out the American currency in twenties, "…140, 160 and" plunking down the last bill, "makes $180. Will that be all tod...

My Irish friend Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night.

"What did you get?" I asked.

"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."

I said, "Dude, these are from an real estate agents."

The Club of People That Made Things That Plug Into Computers

There is a prestigious and hard-to-get-into club of people who invented things that plug into computers, like the USB, HDMI, ethernet and so on. This club meets regularly but then, after a few years, the inventor of the USB died. It was a very sad time, but they held a beautiful funeral service for ...

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Johnny Hated Math....

...his grades were terrible and he had stopped trying. Johnny's attitude in school was obnoxious, and his parents didn't know what to do.

Finally, they decided to enroll Johnny in the local Catholic school, even though they're not religious people and have never stepped foot in a church.
...

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