Chug Jokes - 111 Hilarious Chug Jokes

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'

The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.

As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.

The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'

The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you ...

"Bet you can't chug that entire beer can"

"Hold my beer"

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"
The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta g...

A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident

After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:

"Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well! This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!"

The Priest, looking at the total wrecka...

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A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.

Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window.

When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived.

“You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentra...

I just saw a dude chug from a beaker labeled ‘Fe’

That’s metal.

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Husband gets home and tells his wife

"quick, get me a beer before it starts."

She gets the beer. He chugs it and says "quick, get me another before it starts."

She obliges. Husband again chugs it and says "quick, get me another beer before it starts."

The wife replies "if you want another beer you lazy bastar...

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A nervous young priest…

is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm you down.’

The young priest follows the wise elders advice...

why can’t you chug beer and do high school math at the same time?

it’s illegal to drink and derive >:(

What do you call the odd pleasure a particle physicist feels when watching a dwarf chug a beer?

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

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A Mexican, a Spaniard and an American are all travelling in a plane

When suddenly, the plane crashed onto a small island. The three emerged from the crash remains and noticed they're the only survivors.

They quickly organized and started gathering materials to survive when suddenly, a group of native cannibals surrounded them with spears and took them to the...

A pig walks into a bar, orders twenty beers, and starts chugging them all one by one.

“That’s impressive,” says the bartender. “Want to know where the bathroom is?”

The pig replies, “No thanks, pal. I’m just going to go wee wee wee all the way home.”

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

An Irishman walks into an American bar

He sits down and orders 3 beers.

“You know, you don’t have to order these all at once - I’m happy to make them fresh,” says the bartender.

“Oh no, ya see,” replies the Irishman, “the extras are for me two brothers back in Ireland. We all order 3 beers so it feels like we’re drinkin tog...

A man come home from work one day...

... and asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"

The wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one chug.

He asks his wife again "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"

Again, the wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one go.

Once more he asks his wife "Ca...

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin...

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed
to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar,
an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand ...

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the b...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar. Already bar hopping and a little drunk he looks at the huge jar full of cash behind the bar. What’s that jar filled with cash for he asked the bartender? The bartender says it’s an ongoing bar bet. You put $20 in the jar and you complete 3 challenges and you win all the money...

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An Englishman, an Scotchman, and an Irishman walk into a bar...

They each order a beer. The barkeep brings them each a beer, and there happens to be a fly in each one. The Englishmen, a bit put off, says "Sir there's a fly in my beer, I'll need a fresh one please." The Scotchman, undeterred shrugs and says "I won't be letting a fly ruin me enjoying my beer!" ...

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A painter falls into a tank and drowns

A painter was doing a contract for a brewing company to paint the brewing shop. He sets his ladder over this open tank filled with 3000L of beer.

He didn’t secure his ladder properly, and so it slips and he falls into this massive tank. Only one option, DRINK!! So he chugs and chugs trying t...

A man walks into a bar

On the bar there’s a jar full of $100 bills.

The man asks “what’s this about?”

The bartender says “it’s a bet. To know the bet you have to put $100 in. If you win you get the whole jar.”

The guy looks at the jar and guesses there’s a couple thousand in there and he’s up for it....

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A guy runs into the sperm bank with a mask and a gun...

"Hands up, lady!" he yells.

The woman behind the counter puts up her hands. "Sir! This isn't a real bank! It's a sperm bank!"

"Never mind that! Just open the vault! Now!"

So she does.

"Get in there! Grab one of them vials!" he says, waving the gun at her.

"But the...

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An American visit Russia

and walks into a bar., saying “I’ve heard that Russians drink a lot, but I’m going to bet $500 that none of you will chug a whole bottle of vodka in one go.”.
Suddenly the bar goes quiet, no one takes the bet, one drunk even left. A few minutes later the drunk comes back and asks “Is your bet sti...

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

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A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking...

He says, "Magic beer. You want one?"
"Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says.
"Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window.
"That's incredibl...

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An Englishman, Irishman and a Scott go into a bar:

The three men order themselves a pint. In a strange coincidence a fly lands in each mans brew.
The Englishman says, "I, I cont drink this. May i ave another?"
The Scot grunts and chugs his beer down fly and all.
The Irishman leans down really close, grabs the fly by it's wing and screams "S...

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So a man sits down at a bar that has a huge jar full of cash on it...

The man calls the bartender and says "Hey, what's the jar for?" The bartender tells the man that the bar has a challenge where if a customer can complete 3 tasks they will take home all the money in the jar, but if they lose, they have to empty their wallet into it. The man sizes up the jar and asks...

Three guys go fishing...

Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.

The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink ...

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A Texan is getting drunk in a bar in Alaska, and he starts to brag about how great Texas is.

An Alaskan hunter comes up to him and says, "Listen, buddy. Here in Alaska,
you ain't shit until you've done three things: Drink a fifth of Alaskan
whiskey, shoot a polar bear, and make love to an Eskimo woman."

The Texan accepts the challenge and starts by grabbing a bottle of whisky f...

I think I might be an alcoholic.

Everytime I get happy I just get this sudden urge to take ibuprofen and chug water.

I am banned from my church livestream

Apparently dunking a pizza crust into a full glass of wine and then chugging it is not acceptable for holy communion.

Woman goes to the doctor...

Doctor prescribed her some pills and she asks:
"Hey Doc., can I take these pills with my period?"
- Doc: "Ermm.... sure, but I'd recommend chugging them down with water!..."

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A masked guy comes into a bank with a gun.

He presses it against the teller's forehead and demands money.
The lady behind the counter says "sir, i think you messed up, this isn't just any bank, we don't deal in money. We keep semen. This is a sperm bank."

"Oh yeah??!" says the robber...
"Why don't you take a vial and chug it the...

What did Tupac say when he drove a steam train?

*I didn't choose the chug life, the chug life chose me.*

How do trains drink?

They chug

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Drunk Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

...

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Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

A guy comes home from work,

He flops down in his favorite chair and yells, "Honey! Bring me a beer before it starts!" His wife br8ngs him a beer and he chugs it down. A few minutes later, "Honey, bring me another beer before it starts!" She reluctantly brings him a second beer and he chugs it down. Soon, he yells once more, "H...

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Getting old sucks

A 60 year old, a 70 year old man and an 80 year old man are arguing about age, the 60 year old goes "man being 60 sucks, I chug water all day long, but I can't take a decent piss when I stand at the toilet no matter how hard I try." The 70 year man says "that's nothing, I eat Laxatives by the hand...

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A guy walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to a very muscular man.

He asks the man, "Wow. I didn't realize you could look that great and drink! What are you drinking?" The man responds, "Why, this is magic beer." The guy, feeling a little insulted responds, "Oh yeah? What's so magical about it?" The man stands up, walk over to the edge of the building, jumps off, a...

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A guy walks into a bar and starts a drunken conversation with one of the patrons. “Hey what’re you drinking?” the patron asks. “Magic beer,” says the guy.

After arguing about it for a few minutes the guy says, “I’ll prove it to you.”
They go outside and walk to a nearby cliff. The guy chugs his Magic Beer, then jumps off. Miraculously he floats back up and settles down next to the stunned patron.The patron runs back to the bar and says to the barte...

A guy walks into a bar

and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.

The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

The man says...

Two guys are forced to share the last beer in the cooler

"You go ahead and have your half first", says the first guy. The other guy says "ok, thanks" and chugs the whole bottle down. "What the hell was that?!" says the first guy, to which the other replies:

"My half was at the bottom..."

Big Mike and the Saloon

In the Old West, there's this saloon. It's decently-sized and fairly crowded. But one day, the sheriff comes in and yells, "Y'all better git! Big Mike is comin'!"

The folk in the saloon figure this Big Mike guy is bad news, so the whole place clears out. The bartender is about to close up sho...

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Ten bucks says you won't do it.

So this man walks into a bar, and notices a large jar on the counter stuffed with cash. He orders a drink, and he asks the bartender, "What's the deal with the jar?"
The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, complete the challenge, and you win the jar."
"So what's the challenge?"
"Sorry...

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A man walks into a bar, and sees a huge jar sitting on the counter.

The jar is stuffed with $10 bills. There has to be at least twenty grand in there. Curious, he approaches the bartender.

He asks, "What's the deal with the jar?"

The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, and if you complete three challenges, you win the entire jar."

"What ar...

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A man walks into a pub in outback Australia and orders a drink

The barman asks him if he wants to have a go at the challenge. The man says what do I have to do. The barman says there’s three parts to the challenge.

Part 1: you have to drink this entire bottle of 200yr old whiskey and keep standing.

Part 2: there is a 20ft crocodile out the back wi...

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A guy walks into a bar

Tells the bartender "I'll bet you $100.00 I can chug your biggest pitcher of beer in less than 10 seconds"
Bartender gives him a gallon pitcher and the guy chugs it in 9 seconds so bartender pays him.
A little while later the guy says "I'll bet you another $100.00 I can chug two of those pitch...

A boy, a girl and Scotch Bottle

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not t...

They say once you stop one addiction you trade it for another.

So I stopped chugging beer and started sipping whiskey.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of money...

He asks the bartender what that's all about. The bartender replies, "20 bucks and you're in. The first person to chug this entire bottle of vodka and eat the worm at the bottom, then in the back there's a mean rottweiler with a sore tooth you gotta pull it's tooth. After that there's a 90 year old w...

A nun walks into a bar

She bought everyone drinks all night. She told hilarious jokes and even did a one armed handstand while chugging a beer.
She was the best . . . bar nun.

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of the finest whiskey...

The bartender lines them and the guy downs them one after another within 30 seconds.

"Wow," says the bartender. "You sure chugged those fast."

"You'd drink fast, too, if you had what I had!" the guy says.

"What's that?" the bartender asks.

"Thirty-five cents."

Why do metalheads like steam engines so much?

They do a lot of chugging.

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A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

Jimmy's First Cow

One fine morning on the family farm, Jimmy excitedly ran into the house with a glass of milk. He can't wait to show his father so he runs into the living room.

He shouts "Hey dad! I just milked my first cow!" while proudly holding up the glass of milk and then chugging the entire thing.
...

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A man walks into a bar....

.....and sees a sign behind the bar, "free drinks for life if you can pass the three trails". Curious by this the man asks the bartender what the trails are.

"First you have to chug a fifth of fire water. Then we have an alligator with a sore tooth in the back and you have to remove the tooth...

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Little Jimmy is playing with his trainset while his mom is in the kitchen.

The trains just chugging along and stops at the first station.
Little Jimmy says “Welcome to station one! Mothafuckas getting off, get off. Mothafuckas stayin on, stay on”
Jimmys mom hears from the kitchen, comes and yells at him, “JIMMY! If I hear you talk like that again you’ll go in timeou...

A Mouse and A Lion walk into a Bar

They’re sitting there chugging away at a few beers when a giraffe walks in. “Get a load of her” says the mouse, “I fancy that!”

“Well, why not try your luck?” says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they’re out the door an...

A Mexican, Russian, and a Texan are sitting in a bar.

The russian has a bottle of vodka, The mexican has a bottle of tequila, And the texan has a bottle of whiskey. The russian gets up, chugs the whole bottle, throws it up and shoots it and says "in my country we have lots of vodka". After that the mexican gets up, chugs his bottle of tequila, throws i...

An Irish man walks into a bar asks for three beers

An Irish man walks into a bar, asks for three beers, chugs them all and leaves. He does this every week for several weeks, until finally the bartender asks him the reason of his ritual.

The man looks at him and says he has two more brothers with whom he always got together weekly to have a be...

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A man and his son walk into a bar.

A man and his son walk into a bar. Sitting on the counter is a jar full of cash, labeled "The Challenge Jar". When asked about the jar, the bartender replies: "This is the challenge jar, if you complete three challenges, you get to take home the money. To learn what the challenges are, you need to p...

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A trucker stops at a random bar along the highway for a drink...

When he walks in, he immediately sees a large jug of tequila sitting in the corner, untouched by all of the other patrons. He says to the bartender

"Hey, what's with the jug over there?"

The bartender replies, "You haven't heard about the house challenge?"

"No, I haven't...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar

Each orders a pint of the bartender's finest ale. The moment they are served, three flies appear, each fly diving into one of the men's pints.

The Englishman, disgusted, pushes his pint aside and orders another.

The Scotsman fishes the fly from his drink, and with a s...

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2 Drunks in a pick-up truck

Are parked on a gravel road when they see the Sheriff pull in behind them. The passenger starts to panic but the driver says "It's cool man, just chug your beer, rip off the label, stick it on your forehead, and stash the bottle under the seat." So the sheriff gets to the truck door and sees 2 drunk...

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Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

Guy walks into a bar

Tells the bartender:
I want 6 beers.

The bartender serves him and the guy chugs all 6 beers one after the other.

The bartender says:
I’ve never seen anyone drink 6 beers that fast!

The guy says:
You would drink your beer fast too if you had what I have.

The ba...

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a mug of cold beer...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last mug".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his drink, but the mug of beer is still full. He asks, "Are you going to chug that beer?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the mug of beer over ...

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A guy walks into a bar (I know original, right?)

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot. He notices a jar on the bar full of 20 dollar bills and asks the bartender what's up with it. The bartender tells him put a 20 in and he'll give him three tasks, upon completion he'd receive the jar of money. The guy thinks this to be obsurd and decides to k...

Two friends meet after a long night of drinking...

...and the two compare how much they drank. The first says, "I must have downed a dozen shots of Tequila, and when I woke up this morning, I was naked on the floor of a hardware store."

The second says, "I chugged a bottle of whiskey, went home, and blew chunks."

The first chuckles "...

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I thought Popeye was my dad

Because he's always chugging something from a can and beating up whoever my mom is fucking.

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A woman walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscaper and asks the bar tender for his best drink.

A man at the end of the bar spoke up and says 'you gotta try the beer. Its magic! I'll show you.' He grabs his beer, chugs it, runs over to the window and jumps out. The woman gasps and runs to the window so see the man fly around the building and right back in. She is so amazed she gets a beer, chu...

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Albert is staying in a nice hotel goes to the bar on the roof.

As he pulls up his stool, he asks the man next to him what he's having.
"Oh, this?" says the man. "This is magic beer."
"Bullshit." says Albert. "No such thing.
"Oh, yeah?" the man says. "Watch this."
The man then downs his beer, gets up and jumps off the roof.
In disbelief Albert se...

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The bum and his amazing taste buds

So this drunk bum walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender tells him "get out of here you don't have any money and you stink". "come on say's the bum, just one and I will leave I swear". The bartender thinks about it and thinks well one won't hurt if it will get him out of here. He then g...

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A man comes home from a hard day at work

And sits down in his recliner. His wife comes up and he immediately cries "honey hurry grab me a beer it's about to start!" Looking confused she goes and grabs him a beer. He chugs and and yells "hurry honey get me one more beer it's about to start!" "What's about to start?" She replied angrily. " i...

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

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A woman is working at a sperm bank...

A woman is working behind the counter of a sperm bank. Suddenly a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun comes running in.
He yells at her,

"Alright, no sudden movements and you don't get hurt. Now, grab one of those bottles of cum behind you."

Confused, the woman turns around an...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a pint. Just then, a fly drops in each of their Guinness.

The Englishman says: "How dreadful. Barkeep, take this pint back at once, I couldn't possibly touch it, it has a fly in it!"

The Scotsman says: "Ach, it's nae so bad!" and flicks the fly out with the back of his hand and chugs his beer.

The Irishman gingerly picks up the fly by the win...

An Irish man frees a genie from a bottle

The genie pops out and exclaims “3 wishes! Whatever you want I shall grant!”

The Irish man amazed at first says “I wish I had giant mug of beer!”

“Granted!” Says the genie and poof, the beer appears in front of the Irish man.

The Irish mans says “And I wish it would never run o...

An Eskimo man turned 18...

His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an eskimo woman."
"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finish...

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My Favorite Wild West Joke

A mean lookin' cowboy was sitting by himself in a Saloon. He was a pretty intimidating sight, so no one bothered him as he downed a few whiskey and beers. After chugging his last drink he slammed some coins on the tabletop and got up to leave. Right after he left though he came storming back in and ...

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Big Mean Steve

There's a boom town out in the desert in the old west.

One day word starts going around that Big Mean Steve's coming. All the shopkeepers start boarding up their windows and half the town starts loading up their wagons. They ask each other, "You sticking around?" "Hell no, Big Mean Steve's co...

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So a guy is having drinks at a bar .....

After a while he looks over and sees a huge jar stuffed to the brim with 20 dollar bills. He asks the bar tender " hey whats with the jar? Theres gotta be at least 4 grand in there?" to which the bar tender replies " oh, you wouldn't wanna know. Its just a running bet" The guy says " try me. I love ...

Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.

As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann.....

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The Tough Man Contest

A man walks into a bar and is greeted by a woman. The woman asks the man if he would like to partake in the tough man contest. He agrees, and asks her how to win.

She says, "Well, first you'll have to pour yourself 10 shots of whiskey, knock that guy out cold at the bar, pull the dogs rotten ...

Three Englishmen

Three Englishmen were sitting at a bar having a drink and chatting it up. Suddenly, one guy spots an obviously Irish man having a drink by himself a few seats away, and they start making snide comments about him.

After a couple of drinks, one of the guys decides to confront the Irish man. He ...

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A bartender is about to close down for the evening when a man walks into the bar.

The man sits down at the empty bar and says, "unfortunately i haven't got any money, but wondering if you would care to wager me for a yard of ale?"

Intrigued, the bartender inquires what the man has in mind for a wager. "You pour me a yard of that Blonde Ale over there....if I can finish ...

A guy walks into a bar holding an alligator. He gently rests it on the counter, and takes a seat.

“You can’t bring that in here!” the bartender exclaimed, motioning for the man to leave.
“Aw, he’s completely harmless, won’t hurt a fly I promise!” replied the owner of the alligator.
The bartender was not amused and again insisted that the man leave.
“Alright,” said the man standing up...

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A man sees a sign in front of a bar that states "Free Beer For 1 Year Inquire Inside"

The man goes inside and sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender about the sign he saw out front. The bartender informs him that all he has to do is complete 3 tasks, and the bar will give him free beer for one year. The man asked what the tasks were and the bartender responded. First you need t...

Two guys were sitting in a bar that had a spitoon

The spitoon was filled almost to the brim with old tobacco juice, flegm, used condoms and other refuse/secretions. After a few, one guy says to the other, "I'll give you $100 if you take a sip from that spitoon."

The other guy immediately grabs the spitoon and, lifting it to his lips, ta...

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A man is helping his daughter with a history paper

A man is helping his daughter with a history paper, when suddenly she asks: "Hey dad, can you tell me about 2016?"

Father: "Oh honey, are you sure you want to write about that?"

Daughter: "Yes! Nobody seems to want to write about it for some reason."

Father: "Well, if you insist...

A wino walked into a bar one day, and started begging for drinks.

One of the patrons tells him he'll buy the old sot a drink, but first he has to take a drink from the spittoon over in the corner.
The wino is in a bad way, so he takes the guy up on his offer, goes over and picks up the spittoon, raises it to his lips, and starts chugging away.
The guy at the...

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An American, a Mexican, and a Russian...

...are all sitting around drinking. The Russian, drinking a bottle of vodka, finishes it and then throws it up in the air and pulls out a gun and shoots it.

The Mexican says, "Why did you do that holmes?"

The Russian responds, "In my country we have a lot of those."

The Mexican,...

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

You're gonna love this one

Guy walks into a bar, demands the absolute strongest drink the bartender knows how to make. The bartender warns him, "this is very strong, so sip it. It's the only drink you'll get tonight."
The man, ignoring the advice, chugs the drink in one gulp.
...falls off the stool, crawls out the do...

This one is number 78.

A man walks into a pub, sits at the bar and orders a drink. Over in the corner he notices a group of friends drinking and laughing.

He see one of the friends shout “13!” and then the rest of the group bursts out laughing. A bit later another in the group stifles laughter as he calls out “37!...

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One day Little Johny saw his grandad smoking...

He asked his grandad 'Can I have a cigarette?' His grandad says 'Can your dick touch your ass?' 'No' said Little Johny. 'Well then you can't have a cigarette. A few minutes later, he sees grandad chugging a beer. He asks,'Can I have a beer?' Once again, the grandpa asks 'Can your dick touch your as...

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The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

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The Three Tent Test

A white man is captured by an Indian tribe. The chief of the tribe tells the man "we'll let you live if you can pass the Three Tent Test." The white man agrees very quickly, and then asks what the test actually is.

The chief says "we have 3 teepees lined up here. In the first teepee is a jar...

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"We got plenty of those where I come from." NSFW

So... an American, Russian, and a Mexican are sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon just hanging out as they so often do. After a while the Mexican pulls out a huge joint and sparks it up. He proceeds to smoke only half of it and tosses the rest into the canyon. The Russian says "Hey man, why didn...

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"Long Shots" (long)

A bartender was tending his bar, as one does, when a drunk patron approaches him and orders a pint of beer, plus a couple shots for himself and the bartender... The bar was relatively unpopulated, save for a few sitting along the bar and a booth of 5 gentlemen in the far corner, loudly joking and la...

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A tall man walks into a bar, with a tiny man standing on his shoulder.

... and orders a beer. As soon as he sits down at the counter the tiny man hops off his shoulder and starts walking around. It is just a bit taller than a pint of beer, and dressed in a sports jersey. It walks over to the guy right to him, chugs his beer in one go, bumps his fist into the guys shoul...

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A man is offered a challenge

A man walks into a bar and the bartender offers him a drinking challenge. The man turns it down, but after a few drinks, he takes it on. The bartender tells the man that he first needs to drink a whole gallon of ghost pepper tequila. Then, in the back there is an alligator with a loose tooth. After ...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of hundred dollar bills...

Guy asks the bartender, "What's the jar of hundred dollar bills for?"

Bartender says "Can't tell you until you've put in the cash."

Guy has a few beers, starts feeling ballsy, so he puts in the money.

Bartender tells him "So you can win this jar of bills, easily 10 grand, but yo...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar that he’s never been to before. The place is busting and seems to be doing well. There are people singing, dancing, and laughing but the first thing he notices is the extremely short person playing piano in the middle of the boisterous crowd. Everyone in the place is infatuate...

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Everytime this dude goes to a bar, he orders three beers..

.. but he orders the three beers at once, and sits by himself in his chair, enjoying his loneliness, with the three bears before him. He'd drink one, then go the next one, and then the last one.

Since the dude did this day after day, the bartender couldn't help but notice, and decided to ask ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender for six shots of vodka. As soon as the bartender gives it to him, he downs them in four seconds flat.

"Rough day, huh?" Says the bartender.
"Yeah," coughs the man, "I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the man comes back in, asks for six mo...

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender. As he is ordering his drink, he sees a jar full of money in the counter.

He then asks the bartender what tha jar is all about, to which he replies with, "Oh, the jar is part of a challenge I decided to set up for the patrons of the bar. Winner takes a...

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