UPJOKE
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Well In Jokes

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

Most characters in the Harry Potter series were represented well in their transition from book to movie;

But Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

A man finds a well in the desert...

As he can't see how deep it is or if there's any water in it, he decides to drop something down the hole and rely on the sounds it will make. But all he can find that isn't sand, is a large and quite heavy rectangular block of stone.
With great effort he pushes the big stone to the well and fin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews have done well in business.

They decide to celebrate and advertise their success they should get matching black suits. They go to the tailor, Pincus, and tell him they want two black suits. They make it clear they want a true deep black, not blue black, grey black, or brown black but a black black. A real black, "The kind n...

Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him...

They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.

Why don’t pirates do very well in school?

They’re only used to high C’s

I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school.

He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.

A couple decided to enter a local cooking competition. He did very well in the sausage category, but she got last place with chicken.

Together, they made the best wurst and the worst breast.

I never did super well in English class

But I always got an A for affort!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think I'd do well in the porn industry

I'm an incredibly hard worker

I have a joke and I don't know if it translates well in all cultures, so let me break it down into bits.

01100001 00100000 01101010 01101111 01101011 01100101

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

Readymade cigarettes have never sold well in Alabama.

Apparently everyone prefers to roll their own.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, my sex life is not very good, I can’t perform very well in bed.”

The doctor says, “You don’t look very fit, are you getting any exercise?” The man replied that he wasn’t exercising at all, so the doctor said, “I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved.” The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, “...

Basil works so well in soup!

It's sup'erb

Me: Nothing’s going well in my life.

Friend: Think positive thoughts! You”ll feel better.

Me: | Nothing’s going well in my life. |

Why would Jesus not fit well in this sub?

Because he came up with something original

Things are not going well in the orange branch

That was just said on a press conference.

I did really well in my prostate exam.

The doctor gave me two thumbs up.

I was doing well in gym class until we got to the skiing unit.

It was downhill from there.

I did pretty well in my insect catching exam...

I got a bee.

Why do Canadians do well in the Winter Olympics?

Because they always bring their “eh” Game.

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?

Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson

Poker never works well in Africa

Ethiopians always eat the chips

I'm doing a course to become a pest controller. Did really well in my exam today....

Got a bee.

Moses was a man well in front of his time.

He had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

I can't see very well in the dark

but on the bright side, I see just fine.

Why does Queen Elizabeth’s toilet do so well in poker games?

Because it’s got a royal flush.

Ted is well into his third beer in the bar when Bill comes in.

"Hey Ted, how ya doin'?" asks Bill.

Ted turns his eyes to Bill and signals for another beer. "So so. My wife just ran off last night with my best friend."

"But Ted!" protests Bill. "*I'm* your best friend!"

"...Not any more," says Ted.

I heard Lincoln is doing well in theaters

Traditionally, this has not been true.

I did really well in my math class

My professor said I was on the top of the bell curve.

This is more of a sight gag that works really well in front of easily embarrassed or nonplussed mixed company. Hopefully I've told it well enough for it to be useful for others to use if they so desire.

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien...

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard Kayne West is said to be recovering well in hospital.

Especially after a nine hour operation to remove his head from his arsehole.

How does a communist do well in school?

He gets good marx.

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

“Take out your wallet and give me all your money!” The robber says, holding a gun to the man’s chest.

“You can’t do this!” says the well-dressed man. “I’m a senator in the U.S. Congress!”

The robber doesn’t lower his gun and replies:

“Well in that case, take out your wallet and ...

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