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Dilate Jokes

When you die what body part dies last?

The pupils, they dilate

When the human body dies, what's the last part to die?

The pupils. They dilate.

I just got back from an eye examination where they dilated my pupils

It was truly an eye opening experience
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How to know if you're gonna have a long life?

See if your teachers pupils dilate.

”You’re the light of my life!”

”Yeah, well then why do your pupils dilate every time you see me?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best weight loss In town!

A new fitness center was advertising around the city with their fool-proof method of losing a substantial amount of weight in under an hour!

Tom was an out of shape guy that wanted to lose weight badly, but was skeptical about this new spot.

After hearing many of his friends and colle...

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

I’m afraid my son will start to gain too much weight when he starts school.

I hear it’s normal for pupils to dilate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old man goes to the doctor...

An older gentleman goes to the doctor and tells him he has erectile dysfunction. The doc scratches his chin, and then snaps his fingers.

"I've got just the thing for you! This is a new medicine; just cleared clinical trials. You'll feel like you're twenty again!"

"Anything to get me ba...

A boy meets an astrologer

The Astrologers predicts that the boy will die soon.

Disheartened he walks into his professor and turns off all the lights; but why?

Because he knew, with no light; the professor's pupils will dilate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birth

Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks "How dilated is she?"To which paddy relies,"Oh Jaysus we"re both over the fucking moon!!..:)

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