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Snape Jokes

Why can’t Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?

He can’t keep the lilies alive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snape glares at Harry as he arrives late to class.

“Late again, Mr. Potter?", he snarls, "One hundred points from Gryffindor.”



Harry balks, “One hundred points?! Are you fucking serious?!”



Snape grows even paler than usual as looks down and says, “Albus told you, didn't he?”

Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?

His lily died

Oh No! Snape has been fired from Hogwarts!

They didn't even give him a Severus package.

Why can Severus Snape never become a gardener

His lilies always die

Literature professor: "Why can't Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?"

Student A: "Because he can't keep the Lillies alive."

Student B: "Maybe he didn't put them in the right Potter?"

An old Harry Potter joke

Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape’s door.

“Who is it?”

Voldemort: “THE DARK LORD!!”

Snape: “Sauron?”

Voldemort: “No no, the other one”

Snape: “Vader?”

Voldemort, irritated, thunders: “THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!”

Snape, confused: “Hermione??”

A duck walked into a Harry Potter toy store, and he said to the man, running the store: “hey...

got any Snapes?”

How does Severus Snape sneak up on a Gryffindor?

By slitherin’.

Professor Snape and Eearmus

There was once a terribly misbehaving student at Hogwarts. His name was Eearmus. He wouldn't finish his homework or practice any of his incantations. The teachers were getting really impatient with Eearmus.

One day, Eearmus was extra mischievous and decided to play a prank on professor Snape...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter confesses something to Ron...

Harry: "I've been having relations with a teacher."
Ron: "Are you fucking serious?!"
Harry: "No, I'm fucking Snape."

I recently got a new spoiler on my car...

It reads, “Snape kills Dumbledore.”

I can't hold in any of these spoilers any longer...

...Snape kills Dumbledore. The Titanic sinks. Brazil lost to Germany.

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