UPJOKE
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3 jokes told to me by an older gentleman at the grocery store

Have you heard the one about the jump rope? That’s OK we’ll skip it.

Have you heard the one about the bed? It hasn’t been made up yet.

Do you know why blind people don’t skydive? It scares the hell out of the dog.

Backstory: I have pretty severe PTSD and things like running t...

What do you call someone getting their biography tattooed on their back?

Their backstory

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Onomastics is the study of last names, and the connection to their thing. Like how Smith's used to be makers, or Gardners used to care for plants and vegetables, or Yorks come from the town of Yorke....

I don't think I want to know what the backstory is for the Dickensons...

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.

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So I told Hitler about 9/11

I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.

So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.

Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the...

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Why is game of thrones so popular?

Who doesn't enjoy a porn with good backstory?

True story

Not sure where to post this.


About 6 months ago, my now 5 year old daughter came into mine and my fiance's room, and started screaming saying she was missing her thumb. It took me a minute to realize what was going on.


A little backstory, my 5 year old daughter was born about ...

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a poultry farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens. My grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.

Afte...

The police finally catch a notorious criminal,

so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.

Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to...

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because...

A guide and a tourist are sailing past the coast...

They sail past a few sights and the guide gives some backstory on these.

Eventually they sail past a man and a woman making a ruckus in the bushes. The guide is embarrassed and says: "These people are just cycling."

The tourist grabs an oar and throws it at the guy's head.

The g...

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

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One day an atheist goes hunting in the woods

It's a very uneventful morning when he finally comes across the perfect shot. He loads his weapon, undoes the safety, and lines up his sight. To his surprise, all of a sudden a bear appears in his scope point blank. The bear pulls its claw back ready to slice the atheist open when he cries out, "oh ...

My Pastor told me this one and it really hit home...

Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee"

Someone sitting next to him says, "My cataracts is so bad I can barely see my coffee."

Someone behind them then s...

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Throwback Joke: Liver and Cheese

Some backstory, there was a tornado at boy scout camp one summer and we were assembled in the valley in an attempt to stay safe and the counselor told us that he would laugh at any joke we told. So I told this one:
"Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, ...

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