An man walks into the bar I'm in...

An older, disheveled man walks into a bar, sits down next to me and orders a shot of Absinthe.
He slams it back, leans to the side and rips a fart out loud that audibly sounds out"hhhhhhonnnnnda."

He orders another shot of Absinthe.
Again, another audible "hhhhonnnda" fart.

This...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to drink absinthe

I used to drink absinthe, but it caused me bad indigestion and terrible wind, weirdly, it sounded like a Japanese motorbike.

I went to a doctor who told me it wasn't uncommon, that everybody knows "absinthe makes the fart go Honda".

Rhonda in the pub

Rhonda wandered down to her local public house, for one of their themed dining nights.

Tonight was Chiili, paired with either rum , absinthe or gin. As she entered, she encountered the fragrant aroma of spicy beef and beans, although there was also the faint undernotes of an aroma associated...

People say my wife only married me because she was drunk...

I say, hey, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!

A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar

The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.

The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"

The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate sc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that prostitutes at the Moulin Rouge used strong alcoholic drinks to bleach their hair?

Absinthe makes the tart grow blonder.

My doctor told me to drink hard alcohol for my depression...

Turns out absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

I was doing some yard work this weekend...

It was a hot, muggy day, and I had just finished raking the leaves in my yard. I was ready to be done. I pulled out some plastic sheeting to pile the leaves on and dragged them to the curb.

After my chores were done, I took a break and broke out a bottle of liqueur to relax and enjoy the fru...

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be..

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones.
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns.
The man asked the florist ...

I've started a new religion based on the consumption of high-percentage alcohol. Its only downside is that I now miss a lot of work due to hangovers

It's called absinthe-theism.

What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

A leave of absinthe.

I was drinking my favorite liquor the other night...

...while sitting in front of my fireplace. I was feeling a pretty good buzz when all of a sudden I began to hallucinate, and out from the top of the fireplace sprung the disembodied head of Jane Fonda! Normally I would find this odd, but you know what they say:

Absinthe makes the hearth grow ...

My brother was worried last night that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep because he had a headache.

I told him to make a stiff nightcap and drop a couple of pills in it. You know, just take Aleve of Absinthe.

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