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Undressing Jokes

Hey Guys...Next time you're having an argument with your wife, start undressing.

She will instantly have a headache and then go to sleep.

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this ma...

Art of undressing

What's the difference between undressing a 21 year old woman & a 71 year old woman?





Depends

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“My husband just wants to have sex all the time”

Vented the recently married woman to her sister, “it’s every day like clockwork he gets home from work, takes off his clothes at the doorstep and says “I’m home honey let’s hit the sack”. Don’t get my wrong I love him and the sex is good but I need a break I can barely walk””

Then the sister ...

Woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem

Doctors listens to her, nods sagely where appropriate and then tells her to strip. Woman is a bit confused but does as instructed. While she is undressing doctor places a big mirror on the floor and then tells woman to do a headstand over it. Even more confused woman does as instructed, figuring doc...

A naked police officer came to work

A naked police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come naked?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could h...

A man was undressing for the nurse behind a curtain

He asks, "Where do you want me to put my clothes?"

She says, "On top of mine."

Let me explain

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,

\- "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look...

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Undressing

James is alone in the bedroom when his beautiful wife opens the door and walks in.
"James," she whispers, "Take off my shirt."
"James," she whispers, "Take off my bra."
"James," she whispers, "Take off my skirt."
"James," she whispers, "Take of my stockings."
"James," she whispers, "...

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An elderly couple is celebrating their wedding night.

They get to the hotel room, and the groom begins undressing his new bride. She stops him and says "Before we get too far, I want you to know I have acute angina."

"Oh, thank god!" the old man exclaims, " 'cause those are the ugliest tits I've ever seen!!"

Little Johnny At The Park

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOM...

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Guys Be careful! I've been a victim of a clever scam while at Costco parking...

Don't be naive enough to think, it couldn't happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20+ year girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehicle. They both start roaming around ur car n looking for their lost keys ,with their breasts almost falling...

A Chinese coin joke

Boy meets girl in a club. After the usual preliminaries and some vertical dancing, they go back to her place for the horizontal kind. As they are madly undressing each other, she sees he's wearing a Chinese coin on a leather cord around his neck. "What's this about, tiger?", she asks. He gives h...

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This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him.

This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him.

Next morning he wakes up in his own bed, clean, in his pijamas, his wife gone.

Groggy as hell, he gets up and starts looking around. In the kitchen he finds an immaculate breakfast, eggs, bacon, coffee and 50 buck...

Swimming Prohibited

A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming wa...

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Onenight a married couple are laying in bed.

The wife is under the blanket ready to sleep. Her husband reaches over to take a book from on top of the nightstand. As he reads he keeps moving his hand between his wifes legs, touching her private parts. She wonders if he wants to have sex, so she gets up and starts to take her clothing off. Her h...

An elderly widower remarries after many years with his recently departed wife

On their wedding night, the old man and his much younger bride decide to consummate the new marrige.

Knowing that it might be an emotional time for her husband, she begins undressing him slowly.

As they're about to climb into bed to get down to business, she looks up at his face, and...

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Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

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Dysfunctional Parrot

Jim goes to the pet store, looking to buy a parrot. They’re all pretty expensive except one, which is $20. He asks, “Hm what’s wrong with you?” To his surprise the parrot responds, “Well, I’m a dysfunctional parrot. I have no legs and I can’t fly. But I AM a great companion! I’m fluent in three lang...

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A man gets totally shitfaced after way too much drinks with his friends on a Saturday night, then goes back home. (Long but cute :-)

He has a hard time opening the door, being very careful to not wake up the wife. He starts to climb the stairs to the bedroom, but the world is collapsing every other second around him. He falls, tries to crawl a few more steps, and faints.

Next morning:

He wakes up in pyjamas in bed, ...

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Warning about pick pockets

At the local supermarket, two young women are standing at the parking lot exit, asking for a lift.

Shortly after leaving the parking lot, they will start undressing each other and making out, before one of them offers to give you a blow job, while the other steals your wallet.

It happe...

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Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested

Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested. Depspite bad confidence she headed to a pub on a Saturday night.

After a little while at the pub a handsome man stood by her and asked ”why do you look so sad?”. Well.. Said Emily, you see.. I’ts because I look like a newborn girl in the chest...

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A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air. "Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner tog...

An old woman phoned the police and said that her neighbour keeps undressing in his bedroom with curtains open and lights on, so the police go and investigate, they looked out of her window and says but madam you cannot even see his bedroom with that tree in the way she replies.

You can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.

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