Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

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What do you call a robot that’s been sexually molested?

R2ME2

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

There's a new drug that is guarenteed to get you molested.

The only side effect is you feel Spacey.

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When I told my date I was raised Catholic, she asked me right away whether I was molested as a child.

I’m still butt hurt about it.

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I told my friend, "My dad just passed away. I think it's only right for me to now say...that he molested me when I was three-years-old."

"Woah, man," he said. "Too soon."


I said, "Well, yes. But that's not how a paedophile's mind works."

At my therapy session today, I suddenly remembered that as a child I was molested by a clown.

I never knew I had IT in me.

I molested an intensive care patient...

but his nurse walked in at the last moment.

It was real touch-and-go for a while there.

After a young boy was molested by a priest, the police asked him what happened.

The young boy responded, "I knew I was in trouble when the the priest told me to call him Daddy instead of Father"

I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca...

Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to "be ready for the alpaca lips"

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Why was the jeweler's son sexually molested?

He went to Jared's.

What do you call a bird that has been molested?

Rustled Crow

Barry Gibb has revealed that he was nearly molested as a child…

…but the would-be abuser gave him the HeebieBeeGees…

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Did you hear about the boy King Midas molested?

They settled out of court for a dick load of gold.

My uncle works at a camp for kids who are about to be molested

I mean everyone complains about their job but he loved everyday of his

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

I went to church, and sat in the confession booth

I went to church, and sat in the confession booth, and I said “Forgive me father, for I have sinned”

The priest said “Tell me of your sins, child”

So I said, “Well father, last week, I molested a child and was fired from my job.”

Long story short, my employment situation just go...

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Why did the boy laugh when he was molested by a test?

Because the testicles

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