Who the hell called them 'Topless Bars.' ?

And not 'Breastaurants.'

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"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

Topless carwash

So these kids in school are trying to find new ways to raise money. They suggest a few ideas, all of which are shot down by their teacher. Finally a kid says ‘I get it! We should do a topless carwash!’

Very carefully, the teacher asks: ‘what do you mean?’

The kid says, ‘well, we can’t ...

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I’m on the fence.

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

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I heard there is a new category of rideshare where you can get a topless driver.

They are calling it a Boob Lyft.



Thank you... I'll see myself out.

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So my neighbour with the big titties is outside gardening topless again today.

I just wish his wife would do the same.

Are those 6 women topless?

It looks like it, dozen tit.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. ...

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Big boobs

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I figured it was time to get out of the house. My neighbor with the big boobs has been gardening topless all afternoon," the guy tells the bartender. "That doesn't sound too bad," the bartender laughs. "Well it wouldn't be if his wife would try it occasiona...

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I asked one of the strippers if I could have a topless dance. She said, "Of course."

I was escorted out shortly after for "indecent exposure"

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

I've been staring at topless models all day, just dreaming

But sadly, I can't afford the diecast convertible cars at the moment

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A man walks up to a topless girl on the beach. 'can I tell you a joke about my dick? No wait, it's to long.' The girl looks at him and replies: 'Want to hear a joke about my vagina?'

'No wait, you'll never get it.'

A topless woman robbed a bank.

No one remembers her face.

I went to a topless Amish bar last night.

No bonnets.

I went to see a topless ventriloquist last night.

She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once.

Woman driving down the freeway topless, causes a multi-car pile-up.

Tomorrow's newspaper headline;

Bears 2, Rams 7

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We've been having really nice weather lately.

Today my neighbor with the big tits was mowing the lawn topless. I just wish his wife would do the same.

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

What did the man ask his friend after watching 6 topless women walk by?

Well that’s seems unusual, dozen tit?

The Supreme Court may decide a case to allow women to legally go topless in public to be equal to men

So far, over 3 million amicus briefs in favor of the plaintiff have been offered.

Last week, my friends and I went to a topless bar...

...but we had to leave right away because it started raining.

A 30-year old man told his wife that he's going to the bar to party with his friends

The wife was really worried that her husband is not spending enough time with her, but she was helpless.

An hour later, she recieves a text from her husband asking for a picture.

She was glad that her husband wanted to see her face even though he was partying with his friends.

T...

TIFU by spraying water on a topless model

Now all the seats are wet

Sunday is Go Topless day but I'm not going to let it distract me...

I plan to go to the park and exercise hard

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A friend invited me to a strip club

And after after 10 minutes of a topless lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.

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If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea

she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.'

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

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Lady jumps out of the shower and door bell rings...

\- "Who is it?" she yells, trying to find her robe.

\- "It's the blind man"

The lady goes to the door topless and opens it.

\- "Nice tits lady! Now, where do you want your blinds installed?"

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A man has been getting progressively fatter and decides he needs to change.

He sees an advertisement that claims it'll help you lose 6 lbs in 3 days. With nothing to lose except 6 lbs he calls up the company and says hell give it a try. When he wakes up the next morning he hears a knock on the door and opens it to discover a topless brunette standing there. Smiling cheekish...

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- Tell me, Rabbi, can a Jew look at women in bikinis?

I'm leaving for a vacation tomorrow, and surely there will be lots of girls in bikinis on the shore...

\- Oh, nothing wrong with that.

\- I'm a bit worried about looking at women other than my wife. And if they'll be topless? Can I look at them?

\- Yes, you can.

\- But wh...

An 80-year-old Irishman goes to the doctor for a check-up...

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Irish and I am a golfer,' says Don, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of Irish whi...

Concerned about my wife (NSFW)

I was watching our neighbours wife subathing topless yesterday, as I was rubbing one out I heard a cough. I turned around and my wife was stood there watching me. Does that make her a pervert?

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A young lady is working at an old people’s home when she walks into an old gentleman’s room.

He’s holding a set of photographs and looks upset.

“What’s the matter?” She asks

“I’ve got no-one to pass these onto to when I go”. Says the old man, looking at his photos

“Let me show you” and he presents her with a photo of an old car, “this is my vintage E type Jaguar. It’s p...

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Poor man

Three men sat outside of a coffe shop in a spanish town, two of them are rich and the third is poor. As they sat there drinking their coffes a very attractive lady walks up to them and asks what they would give to sleep with her. The first rich man says "I would buy you a yacht, a sports car and a c...

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An old man was crying on a park bench

An old man was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. Another man approached and said "Hey old timer, whats up"?

The old man says through his tears "Oh it's awful! Last month I won £1,000,000 on the lottery and I met a beautiful girl who is a topless model and 50 years younger than me! ...

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I am truly perplexed that so many people are against mosques being built.

I think it should be the goal of every Western Society to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus mosques should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from w...

A kid and his mom are home during the summer

The boy asks his mom if he can go the neighbors house to play and she says yes. Thinking she has some time, the mom gets comfortable and starts walking around the house topless. The little boy comes home shortly after and see his mom topless.

"What are those?" He asks.
"These are my headl...

Rodney Dangerfield joke

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.

She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park...

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the gr...

Three russian sons set out to prove their manliness by wrestling bears.

The first son returns, sits down and says "father I travelled to vladivastok forest and wrestled a black bear whilst topless"

The father shakes his head and says "you are no son of mine. Leave now"

The second son returns home and says " father I travelled to the forests of poland and w...

Bareknuckle boxing is a little less manly...

...when you refer to it as "topless fisting".

-&y
(again, tis written by me!)

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