UPJOKE
plaklaelksplanlamikeyscottyfrenmizmcmahonhahasteviegomezcarlsoncali

Uck Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock ...

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

Firetruck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Gordon Ramsay hate seeing a bunch of cute pet pictures?

Cause it's fucking r/aww!

An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌9 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow, d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌l...

What starts with F and end in uck?

*Firetruck

What starts with p and ends with "orn"?




*popcorn!

A duck walks into a store...

He shouts at the proprietor, "Hey! Got any duck food?"

The store proprietor answers, "No, we don't."

The next day, the duck returns, and asks, "Hey! Got any duck food?"

The store proprietor says, "I told you yesterday, we don't have any duck food. Now please leave."

The n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 2020, it has been confirmed that the Earth is neither flat nor round.

It's fucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tifu by walking in on my roommate masturbating

He looked at me wide eyed and yelled "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MASTURBATING?!?"

I am a word. I begin with F and end with UCK. What am I?

I already told you, I'm a word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna try to translate an Albanian joke

It's hard to translate but I'll try:

Michael and the parrot

Michael had an talking parrot and wants to sell him and make some money. But the parrot had a problem that he offended anyone that he didn't like.
First comes a man with weird teeth and wants to buy him. Then the parrot say...

What do I do?

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to ...

Bedtime joke

One night I tucked my son in bed, and he wanted me to tell him a joke.

“Tell you what, let’s each try to think up a word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘uck.’” His eyes widen to the size of saucers.

“Let’s see,” I continue... “I’ve got ‘Firetruck,’ what do you got?”

- Happy birthday Jimmy !!

\-Thank you a lot Emily, I can't wait to see what's my gift.

\-Well, since you're 18 now, I wanted to give you something special, it starts with an "F" and ends with "uck"!

\-OMG!! I'm getting a firetruck!

Can you name the THREE NFL teams where the name of their mascot begins with the letter "F"?

The **F**alcons, the **F**orty Niners and the **F**ucking Patriots!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man who is a veteran of the great war was sitting in his chair next to his fireplace as usual when his grandchildren came for a cool story...

The kids asked "Grandpa grandpa! Tell us a story from your times of war before bed! Please please pleeease..."
The man is sick of telling those stories because they always remind him of the bad times and out of anger, he goes:

-One day when we were in the trench, the enemy got us outnumber...

Radio Station Contest

A radio station decides to hold a contest where people would call in, say a word that doesn't exist in the dictionary and use it in a sentence. The best one would win one thousand dollars. So the host take the first call:

"Hello, what's your name?" he asks

"I'm Jim"

"Do you have...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Test For a Dirty Mind

**Q1:** What's 6 inches long, has 2 nuts and makes girls fat?
> **A1:** [ Almond Joy ](#s)

**Q2:** What sticks out of a man's pajamas that you can hang a hat on?
> **A2:** [ His head ](#s)

**Q3:** What does a dog do on three legs, a man do on two legs and a woman do sittin...

A fireman is at the station house

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.

The fireman says, "Hey little girl. Wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man with a stutter

A man with a stuttering problem decides to go to a physician after years of unsuccessfully trying to fix his problem through speech therapy.
The doctor has him go into the examination room and disrobe, and the doctor begins his exam. After a few minutes, he tells the man he has an idea of what co...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.