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Tweets Jokes

With Twitter being re-branded to “X” What do we call tweets after the change?

Excretions

You can use Twitter to keep up to date with Ross Kemp but you might not enjoy other people’s tweets afterwards because…

It’s a hard actor follow

Why are there so many typos in Trumps tweets?

Because he’s Russian.

Jimmy Kimmel should have Floyd Mayweather read mean tweets after the fight

Oh wait

What's the difference between Donald Trump's tweets and an impetuous, immature, 14-year-old girl's tweets?

covfefe

I know the Vatican doesn't like modern technology, but when they elect a Pope, why don't they do more tweets?

They are Cardinals, after all.

How childish are Trump's tweets?

Let's just say Roy Moore would date them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tweets

What's the difference between a tweet and a twat?

One makes the other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peter Dinklage has apologised for tweets expressing support for white supremacy

It's OK, he's just a little racist.

Why are George R R Martin's tweets always so short?

He killed off most of his characters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

King Midas got a Twitter account and stared to post pictures of things he'd turned to gold. Within a days time every single tweet would land at exactly 1000 likes and 1618 comments.

I guess you could say all of his tweets were golden ratioed.

In honor of the eve of April Fools Day... just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.

Just treat it like it's any other day.



Have fun!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know how to defeat Thanos

We need to pull up his homophobic tweets from 2009.

A cop pulls me over.... again

Cop: Do you know why I'm following you?

Guy: Because you thought my tweets were funny?

[Long] Once 5 people were on a plane...

1. Kanye West,
2. Bill Gates,
3. Donald Trump,
4. Joe Biden,
5. and a school girl

Suddenly the plane developed a technical snag and only 4 parachutes were available.

Kanye says, "I am world's greatest talent. I must live." He takes a parachute and jumps.

Gates say...

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

You have to read this in Paul McCartney's voice

When I find my tweets are causing trouble

Mother Russia comforts me

Tweeting words of wisdom

Covfefe

My girlfriend broke up with me on Twitter.

I hope she tweets him better than she tweeted me.

Trump is like a bird with Tourettes

He can't control his Tweets

The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump...

No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.

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