UPJOKE
deserthavengeographysaharakufrawastelandlibyaparadiseserenityenvironsambiencearidcienegasheltertract

Oasis Jokes

It was the mid 1990s, I was stuck in the desert and I thought I could see an Oasis...

But it was just a Blur.

My girlfriend said she'd break up with me if I kept singing oasis

I said maybe.

What does an oasis and your girlfriend have in common

They're both hallucinations

I'm a very big Oasis fan, specifically Wonderwall. I sing it all the time. My girlfriend hates it though, so she asked me to stop singing it.

I said maybe.

Have you ever had Oasis soup?

You get a roll with it.

What do you call a threesome in an oasis?

A Mirage à trois.

My girlfriend said she'd leave me unless I promised to stop quoting oasis all of the time

I said maybe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in the fifteenth Century B.C., there lived a pharaoh.

And that pharaoh once got a sexually transmitted disease.

All the best medics of Egypt tried to cure him, but all have failed. Until one day, an old man told him that in one oasis to the west, there is an old sect of priests who know many secrets of medicine.

Quickly, the pharaoh order...

(UK reference) Whats' an aircraft mechanic's favourite Oasis song?

Don't Look Back in Hangar.

I went to an Oasis gig with my sister in 1995.

When they came out onto the stage I shouted, "Go Oasis!"

Then my sister left.

My girlfriend wanted to break up with me for misquoting Oasis lyrics too much...

I said: "I don't believe anybody feels the way I feel about you now."

Three disabled stranded men

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu...

A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning.

I said maybe...

My wife asked me if I was ever going to stop playing Wonderwall by Oasis on the guitar. And I said...

"Hey now, you're an--" and she smashed me in the mouth.

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

A man named Martin is lost in the desert and came upon an oasis.

Upon stumbling into camp and drinking hastily from the well, the sheik of the oasis steps out of the largest tent and orders his guards to arrest him. The sheik explains that Martin has drunk from the precious little water left to the oasis and can either fight to the death with the sheik or dig and...

3 men are stranded in the desert

A blind man, an amputee, and a man in a wheelchair. They’d been traveling for hours and they crest a sand dune and to their surprise there’s a beautiful oasis. So all 3 men travel to it, the amputee jumps in, when he steps out he looks at his arm and it had grown back. Amazed he leads the blind man ...

The thirsty criminal

My grandpa told me this gem of a joke. Here it goes...

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desper...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveler is going across the desert.

He comes across an oasis in the desert. After resting for a bit he notices that he is horny. He ties his camel to a tree, gets behind it and gets ready to pleasure himself. Only then the camel looks back and the man feels guilty and unties the camel.

He gets on the camel and keeps trotting t...

The snake in the desert

N.B. The joke only works if you use American pronunciation, but it's a long joke and I didn't want people to get to the end and complain there's no punchline.

A man named Steve is stuck in a dead end job, 9-5, 7 days a week in a little run down office in the middle of town. He hates it and h...

Imagine you were friends with Oasis lead singer, Liam Gallagher.

You two grew up together and were the best of friends. That friendship was like no other.

You both bonded over many things, but the hobby you both got into was baseball. You’d both play catch, practice your pitches, and even went to watch pro games together.

During high school, y...

Man goes to a burger stand and asks for an Oasis burger

The vendor asks what an Oasis burger is. You get a roll with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a head the size of an orange walks into a bar

He sits down, and orders a thimble of beer. The bartender looks confused, but gets him the drink. "Here's your drink, sir," says the barman. "But I have to ask. Are you, um, okay?"

^("Yes, I'm fine,") says the man. ^("It's not painful or anything.") He gestures at his tiny head.

"But, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is travelling through the desert on a camel.

After a few days of travel the camel starts slowing down and eventually stops. The man gets of and starts dragging the camel after him when he sees an oasis in the distance. He drags the camel to the oasis where there is a woman standing on a ramp with a hammer in her hand. "Friend, did he stop?" Th...

A man was traveling through the desert on his camel

The sun was shining hot and unforgiving and the man was sweating immensly.

"oh i cant bear this sun, its so hot"

Suddenly a guy on a bicycle drives past him with insane speed. The man on the camel is shocked and suprised how the man can drive so fast in this heat.

After an hour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men and a camel in the desert

Two men were stranded in the desert. They had a camel with them to carry all their supplies, but by now they had been walking for days and were out of food and water.

They were so dehydrated that their tongues were swelling in their mouths and they could barely walk.

Lo and behold the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was lost in the desert

With nobody by his side apart from his trusty camel. The man walks miles and miles, maintaining his needs by eating the flesh of dead animals and drinking from the oasis' scattered across the lands. However the one basic need he is unable to satisfy is the need for sex. After several days the man ca...

I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

(originally posted in r/dadjokes by me, wanted to share it with y'all too)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking across a desert with his camel

A man was walking across a desert with his camel. It had been close to 10 days since the two had left the last oasis.

In the blazing heat, the man decided to take a sip of water. But noticing that he had only a few ounces of water left, he decided to save it for later.

The blazing hea...

So a blonde, redhead, and brunette must pick ONE thing to bring with them into the desert.......

The redhead says she will bring food so that when she's hungry she won't have to worry about finding food

The brunette says she will bring water so that when she's thirsty she won't have to struggle to find an oasis

The blonde says she will bring a car door so that when she's hot she c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 navigators land on a foreign island in the middle of the ocean.

The 3 men, one from Japan, one from France and the last from Australia, run onto the sand, immediately feeling the intense heat that the sun was giving off. After hiking for around half an hour, the travelers spot a beautiful oasis at the bottom of the hill. They all make a mad dash towards it, eage...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Modern Day Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.


His horse has already died of thirst.


He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards a...

It's worth it

One of my buddies loves this joke and I figured I would share it with the reddit world because I love it too:

So this guy was driving through the desert, it was a hot day and his car was an old junker. About 5 miles outside of town the car finnally kicks the bucket. So, with no other choice, ...

2 Jamaicans are lost in the desert..

After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're halluci...

George was lost and wandering in a desert, when he stumbled upon an oasis...

The oasis was a Jewish man who was selling ties. The man holds up a rack of colourful ties and says, "Hello, sir. May I interest you in purchasing a tie? They are normally ten dollars, but for you, sir, I will only charge five."

Having been wandering for days without a drop of water George...

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

A man dies and goes to hell. a devil meets him at the gate and tells him to look around and find a place where he will stay for the eternity.

So the guy looks around and notices people in pain, suffering, flames, screams, tears everywhere. He can't find a place for himself so he keeps walking, looking, searching. At one point he looks down and sees a bit of sand...

"Sand, in hell? Weird" he thinks, lifts his eyes up and sees more s...

Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lone nomad and his camel

A lone nomad was trying to pass through the desert on his camel. He had enough water and rations to complete his journey, but the loneliness was tornmenting him.

He rode his camel for three days and three nights without running into another soul. Eventually, the heat of the desert started p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a plane crashes in the middle of a desert

Only one man survives. He takes refuge in an oasis not far from the crash site. Luckily he finds lots of food and water to last him a while. After a few weeks his need for food and water is still being satisfied, but one of his other basic needs comes calling. He feels extremely horny. One day a c...

A nomad had been wandering the desert by foot for many years. He has saved up some money on his travels and decided that his walking days were over and it was time to buy a camel.

He went to the nearest camel ranch and asked the ranch owner what type of camel he could get for the money he had.
"I am sorry," said the rancher "that's not even enough for the cheapest camel." The nomad looked forlorn until the rancher said "we do have this one camel though, we weren't going t...

a young lady in a purity group is on a flight that crashes in the desert...

as she's wandering she sees an oasis off the horizon! as she's running to it she comes across two men.



they speak little English but understand enough to know what happened to her. so, one of the men offers her his canteen of water.


she says "oh bless you! but I ...

Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.

They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.

When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crysta...

A Man dies and goes to Hell...

... he looks around with an expression of great surprise at it's existence.

He sees souls getting skewered, souls getting beat up with chains, souls stewing in pans with devils pouring in the oil.

An approaching Demon bellows: "Choose your torture."

"Wait wait! Can I look aroun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman and an Arab

are out in the desert and completely starved of sex. Then, one day, they see a beautiful woman in an oasis, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, on which is a red rose.
The Englishman declares "I claim this woman by the red rose of England", and removes the pants. Underneath he finds a second pa...

The legionnaires

Two French legionnaires are walking through the desert, lost, when they happen across an oasis. One turns to the other and say "look! Zat tree 'as bacon on eet!" In excitement they run towards the tree but as they approach bullets start striking the ground around them. As they are running off the se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Look what the wind blew off!

A soldier and his longtime girlfriend had just gotten married and were enjoying their honeymoon in a romantic oasis; both were virgins and had waited years for their consummation. As they were about the make love he was contacted by the army who said World War II had just begun and he had to be depl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finally get out of jail...

...after spending 28 years on the inside for multiple felonies. And just like any other male that hasn't touched a woman after 28 years, he wanted to get some ass. Unfortunately this guy had gotten taken to jail with only $40, so that is what he had when he was released.
Without wasting anytim...

A screenwriter and a movie producer are stranded in the desert

After roaming the desert for two days, the two men are on the verge of dying of thirst when they come across an oasis. They run over to spring in the center. The screenwriter drops to his knees at the edge of the water, but before he can start drinking the water, the producer starts peeing into it. ...

God is creating the world

The Archangel Michael flies up to him just as god is creating a piece of land. "So what are you going to call this place, sir?" asks Michael. "I am going to call it Israel. I'll make it the most beautiful land in the world, an oasis in the desert, with rich land, beautiful women and magnificent beac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man gets lost in the desert...

... with little more than his clothes and camel. After several days of incessant walking he realizes that he will never make it out of there and that it is better to enjoy his last days alive. As a last wish he would like to have sex one last time, and as there isn't any other option it has to be wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert...

A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert on his way from one Oasis to another.

After a while, he spots a man, sitting in the middle of the desert, looking like he was holding on to an invisible steering wheel, and loudly going "Vroom! Vrooooom!!". Confused, he stepped closer. "Excuse...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.