What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, stuck in a pile of leafs?

Russel.

….

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs being towed behind a boat?

Skip.

Why did the dog's car get towed?

The dog had too many unpaid barking tickets

I had a flat on the highway and walked 8 miles into town to the auto shop. The mechanic towed my car, fixed my tire and gave me a great deal on a new muffler.

Now I’m tired and exhausted.

A Penguin is driving on a scorching day out near Nowhere, Texas

… and his car breaks down. Penguin gets his car towed to the nearest shop.

Mechanic says “looks like you blew a seal”. He asks the mechanic how long it should take. The mechanic says probably a few hours. So the penguin asks if there's anywhere to go to cool off while he waits. Mechanic says...

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Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop?

He rectum.

The tow

A man sees an attractive woman on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.

The woman says, "Yes, my car has broken down and I don't know what's wrong with it."

The man says, "Don't worry; I'll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever been towed befo...

A penguin broke down in Las Vegas.

A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot so he asked the mechanic where he coul...

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An Eskimo goes to New Zealand on a holiday

He hires a car to drive around but barely 100km into the journey his car breaks down ,he gets it towed to a mechanic on advice from the rental place, the mechanic pops the hood and says
“I see your problem here looks like you’ve blown a seal”, and the Eskimo replies angrily “at least I don’t fuc...

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There’s a diminutive, mousy-looking elderly man in a pub, quietly staring into his glass.

He has sad, sad eyes and a generally upset demeanor.

The door of the pub is slammed open and a lorry driver charges in. He roars up to the bar counter, orders four pints of the strongest beer the bartender has, and drops heavily down upon one of the bar stools.

As he drains his beers, ...

A man was speeding, when a cop noticed him.

The man saw the cop and tried going faster. The cops chased him, he sped up even more, the cop stayed on him.



The man finally got his car going as fast as his car would go and the cop still stayed on his tail, so he pulled over.



The cop walks up to his and tells the guy...

A guy is driving through a snowstorm in Alaska when his car breaks down...

...so he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. As he awaits the diagnosis he steps out for a smoke. He walks back in after smoking and a few moments later the mechanic comes out and says to him, "um...it looks like you blew a seal." To which the man responds, "oh nah, that's just some frost on m...

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spy

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
<...

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Bill is out for a drive and comes across a place that does psychic readings.

Bill, ever the skeptic, walks in just to tell the psychic that he's a fraud and that he's taking advantage of people. The psychic tells Bill to try his Skeptic's package. "What's that?", Bill asked. "It's a special deal I offer to people who don't believe in psychics." The psychic began to explain. ...

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A Flat Tire.

An Inuit is visiting Scotland and his rental car got a flat tire. After getting towed to the local Auto repair garage, the mechanic looks at it and says, "looks like you blew a seal."



To which the Inuit replied, "Well, you fucked a sheep."

A penguin's car breaks down...

...and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with mess...

Two guys are driving along a country road when their car breaks down

They get out and start walking. Shortly thereafter, they come across a nice house. When they knock on the door, a beautiful young woman answers. They explain their situation and ask if she has a place for them to stay.

She explains that she was recently widowed, and that she has friends comin...

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

An Asian guy walks past a bar with a strange sign.

The sign reads: "We double-charge for all drinks. If you leave without finishing your drink the remaining money will be credited to the first person who asks for them instead of being returned to you. Please ensure you order just enough!"


He sits down next to an Asian girl. She turns...

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An elephant and a mouse were walking in through the jungle when all of a sudden the elephant fell into a hole.

It was very deep and steep-sided and the elephant couldn't pull himself out. So the mouse said he'd hail the first car that came along. After a while a shining new Porsche came roaring through the jungle. The mouse hailed it, they got a rope, dropped it down the hole and the Porsche towed the elepha...

A penguin's car breaks down so he takes it to the mechanic...

A penguin's car breaks down on a hot summer day so he has it towed to his mechanic, who is a polar bear. The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour before he can get to the car, so the penguin takes a walk around the neighborhood. He stops at a magazine stand and gets a paper, buys an ice c...

A penguin takes a road trip

A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being...

A penguin's car broke down in the middle of the city.

So he got his car towed to a mechanic's shop and walked to an ice-cream shop to grab a large cone.

After about 20 minutes, he walked back to the mechanic's shop and asked if he knew what the problem was.

"It looks like you blew a seal," said the mechanic.

"No, no, I swear to god...

Another penguin joke

This was my grandpa's favorite joke, I had to share it here.

A penguin was driving down a desert freeway during a very hot summer. The penguin didn't mind the heat outside, because it had fantastic air conditioning in its car.

...until its car broke down. Luckily, there was a pay...

Penguin Joke (kinda dirty)

One day there was a penguin driving in his car on a hot day. He is driving along when his car breaks down. He has his car towed to a mechanic who tells him that it might be a while to find out what's wrong with his car.

The penguin is getting impatient and it is really hot out. He sees a...

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