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Homeowners Jokes

A single Karen is called a Karen. A group of Karens is called ...

a homeowners association.

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage.

(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English)

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other,...

I got a letter from my Homeowners Associations too

It just said "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies."

I was trying to practice on my guitar by playing some rock and the homeowners association gave me a written warning for the loud noise

Guess paper beats rock again

A simpleton was canvassing a wealthy neighborhood..

..looking for handyman work. He went to one house and asked if there were any jobs for him to do.

"How much to paint my porch?", asked the homeowner.

"$50," he replied.

The homeowner agreed and gave him the paint and ladders he would need. Inside the homeowners wife asked
...

Two guys are sitting on a couch

watching a reality cop show. One of them says: "World outside is so brutal, Jesus Christ, so violent and scary. I don't think I can go outside ever again."

His friend: "At some point we have to! I'm afraid the homeowners are coming home soon."

A lawyer and his family are searching for a new home.

A lawyer named Harry had a wife and 12 children. His rental agreement was terminated by his landlord, who wanted to reoccupy the home, and so the family of fourteen needed to find a new home immediately.

But Harry was having a lot of difficulty. Whenever Harry mentioned his dozen children, n...

A drunk guy knocks on a door at night...

A drunk guy knocks on a door at night and the homeowner is furious and screams:

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, IT'S 3 IN THE MORNING!!"

The drunk says: Would you please help me push? Help me push, please.

The homeowner yells at the drunk: "NO! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND IT'S IN THE MID...

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the log rolls over, we're gonna die!

(This is really best told around a campfire or some other scary story circle. It should be delivered as a scary story right till the end. My dad loves to tell this one.)

A couple got stranded in a storm out in the middle of no where. There was nothing but pasture and woods all around them, an...

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