I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".
I guess special education just isn't for me
The pirate and the parrot
This Pirate, his parrot and his crew were rowing up on a ship they’re gonna try and board in the dead of night. The Pirate whispers out in’a gravely voice, row you dirty b***tards. A few seconds later the parrot whispers, row you dirty b***tards.
The Pirate whispers out, feel the f***in...
What do you get when you mix Donald Trump with a Native American?
Tard and Feathered.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What do you call a dumb gamer?
A wii-tard
What do you call a mentally impaired French Man that cant say no?
A Oui-Tard
True story, my younger son called my older son "stupid"...
wife: "We don't call people the 's-word' in this house!"
me: "Yes. Don't call people 'stupid'. That's r€tarded."
wife: \*stink eye\*
son: \*helpless giggles despite determination not to laugh at anything Dad says\*
Today, I came home early to find my wife in bed
"Oh you're home early!" she said and started turning red. I had a joke for her and so I said
"Did you know yuri said I was hot?" My wife immediately asked
"Who's yuri?" Then the guy under the covers said "Yuri-tarded!" And started laughing.
Magic Beer
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he’s drinking.
He says, “Magic beer. You want one?” “Aw, that’s stupid. There’s no such thing” she says. “Look, I’ll show you”. He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where h...
If the United States government had a reality TV show...
It would be called House of Tards.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
How to feed a cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. <...
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