UPJOKE
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Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters?

Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!

Did you know fish swim in schools

Except on a Sunday, when they swim in churches and pray to Cod.

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?

pollution

I asked my researcher friend, what would happen if I try to swim in containment pool of a nuclear reactor. He said, "Um, you would die pretty quickly..."

"...from gunshot wounds."

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?...

...

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

What do electric eels like to swim in?

Fresh Watter

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

I would love to swim in an ocean of orange soda.

It would be my Fanta sea

When you swim in the creek and an eel bites your cheek

that's a moray!

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

Why do fish swim in water?

Because their leg do not reach the bottom.

I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable

The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.

Two cats swim in a race. One is named one-two-three and the other is named un-deux-trois. Which cat won the race?

One-two-three because un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?

When it's past your eyes.

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece!

(courtesy of my ten year old)

What did God say when Eve swim in the ocean for the first?

He said, "Oh great, now we'll never get that smell off the fish".

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America?

Because the water is Chile

Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?

Because it has pp in it.

Does a one legged duck swim in circles?

What time does a duck wake up in the morning?
-At the quack of dawn!!!

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. then tells the bartender:
-just put it on my bill!!!!

What's a duck's favorite snack?
-Cheese and quackers!!!

What did the duck say after hearing one of my...

Why did the shark swim in circles?

He had a nosebleed.

A lonely orca is swimming in the arctic

Normally he doesn't venture this far north, but he figures there's nothing wrong with a longer swim into the frigid waters.

All of sudden he spots the most beautiful girl orca he's ever seen. Too long our poor protagonist has let opportunities pass him by, but not this time. So he gathers his...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An 75 year-old man arrives at a nudist resort.

After checking in, he is given the keys to his suite. As he goes to his new suite butt naked, he sees a gorgeous 20 year-old blonde heading his way, and immediately gets an erection.

"Did you call for me?" asks the blonde.

"What do you mean?" asks the man.

"We have rules here th...

a long fish story

An ichthyology student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How are the studies going?" the bartender asks. "Really great. In fact, right now I'm working on my thesis to explain why koi fish always swim in groups of four," the student replies. "Why do they do that?" the bartender asks. "Well, in the...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Three hunters meet

Three hunters meet and praise how good their dogs are.
First:
- I went hunting once - I took the rifle and forgot the ammunition. I gave the dog to sniff a rifle, then he brought a box of ammunition.
Second:
- I went hunting once - I took the ammunition and forgot the rifle. I gave the d...

An American and an Englishman are about to be executed

The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"


The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"



They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"



Amer...

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