UPJOKE
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Spock Jokes

What did Spock find in the toilet??

Captains Log

How many ears did Mr Spock have?

A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.

Why doesn't Mr. Spock give hand jobs?

Because his Vulcan grip will make you limp.

Kirk and Spock are on a first contact mission.

The planet's natives serenade them with drumbeats upon hollowed-out tree trunks.

"Mister Spock, it sounds like the notes follow an exponential progression."

"Logical, Captain, when one uses log rhythms."

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toilet Paper and Spock

How are toilet paper and Spock similar?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

What does Spock use as birth control?

Vulcanized Rubber.

This is true: I picked up a pack of ear plugs at work today and it had three in the pack

The maintenance guy said “that’s the Spock pack”

Me: “Spock pack?”

Maint: “aye; one for the left ear, one for the right ear - and one for the final front ear”

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

Hawaii is a veritable island paradise for someone studying Spock's culture

It's a Vulcanology hot spot

(I land chains of jokes like this one, occasionally)

If Mr. Spock uses a condom...

...does that make it vulcanized rubber?

Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.

Yo Mama's so fat...

Yo Mama's so fat, even Spock thought she outweighed the needs of the many!

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...

Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise?

What's up Spock?

If the shocker don't rock her.

Spock Her.

I can't decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation...

I guess you could say I'm stuck between a Spock and a Picard place!

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

Hey Reddit, what are your favorite kid jokes? You know, jokes that only kids tell each other.

There are a few I remember from my childhood, for instance:

How do you catch a seal?

Drill a hole in the ice and line the opening with peas.

When he comes out to take a pea,......grab him!

What did Mr. Spock find in Jim Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log.

Where we...

My teacher put these onto our Word of the Day test in class today.

What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch? Chicken Spocks!

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

What is a polygon? A dead parrot!

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