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Smirnoff Jokes

*cue Yakov Smirnoff voice*

In 1990s, you search internet. In 2020s, internet search you.

What do you get when you mix Jack Daniel’s with Smirnoff?

Jacknoff?

Why do they only serve Smirnoff in a Jedi bar?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

A Yakov Smirnoff joke from the 80's

In America you have many channel. In Soviet Russia vee only have 2 channel: KGB1 and KGB2.

KGB1 is station vith KGB agent say all day how great is Mother Russia.

KGB2 is station vith KGB agent say "TURN BACK TO KGB1!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think people who drink White Claw now are the same people who gave me shit for drinking a Smirnoff Ice instead of beer,

and I feel they owe me an apology.

Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?

Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...


Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?

How do you fix a bottle of vodka?

Turn it Smirnoff and on again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American spy is sent into the Soviet Union

His name is John Smith and he has been training for this moment the last five years. He has perfectly mastered the Russian language and accent, can sing the Soviet anthem from memory and knows everything about Russian history.

In 1971, sixth of October, 3 AM local time he parachutes to the ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets pulled over for swerving

Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"

*"I have no clue". The man replied.*

"Have you been drinking, sir?"

*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*

"Then what is that in your cup holder?"

"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"

"I thought you sai...

What do you call a Russian stain remover?

Smirnoff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cocktail

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" T...

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Viagra Cocktails

Mountain Dew + Viagra - Mount and Do

Jack Daniels + Viagra - Jack-Off Daniels

Smirnoff + Viagra - Sperm Off

Budweiser + Viagra - Nut Wiser

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