Humans are like slugs

They probably serve some purpose but you don't exactly know what.

If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells...

Does that make them shotgun snails?

Why are there more slugs in the world than snails?

Because slugs don't wear protection.

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

Why do slugs die when you beat them in video games?

They get salty

I'm currently studying snails and slugs.

It's safe to say I'm a slow learner.

A snail is walking home from the pub one night, when he gets beaten up and mugged by two slugs...

He goes to the police, who ask him for a description of the attackers.

"To be honest, it all happened so fast..."

A young guy goes into a bar and orders 12 straight vodkas.

Slugs them all down in a row. Barman says,"what's up mate?"
Guy replies, "just had my first blow-job".
Barman says, "Oh, we're celebrating are we?"
Young guy replies, "No, just trying to get the taste out of my mouth"

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college...

The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion co...

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

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A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

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A Russian, a Mexican, an American and a lawyer are sitting around a campfire.

After a few hours of sitting around the fire, the Russian guy pulls out a bottle of Vodka and a gun. He takes a big pull then throws the bottle into the air and shoots it.

The American guy says, "What the hell did you do that for? That was damn good Russian Vodka."

The Russian man repl...

So there were these two roads sitting in a crowded bar...

So there were these two roads sitting in a crowded bar enjoying a hard-earned drink after a tough day of being roads.
They've had a few shots of tarquila each and are beginning to talk tough.

The first road slugs down another shot and says "You know... I reckon I'm the best road in the cou...

A dentist goes to the bar every day at 4:30...

He comes like clockwork every weekday. And, every day he orders the same drink- an almond daiquiri. He's so consistent, that the bartender starts making his drink at 4:25.

One day, the bartender discovers to his horror that he's out of almonds. So he makes it with Hickory nuts. The dentist...

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Old Joe, the blind fur trader walks into a bar...

After sitting down and folding up his blind poking stick he says, "I'll bet anyone here $50 here I can guess what your pelt is and what you killed it with!"

The first taker throws a pelt on his table. Joe feels the fur, tests its texture and smell, feels the wound of the killing blow. Says, "...

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