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Backdoor Jokes

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open..

She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

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I met this girl the other day and she

took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.

“Oh shit , it’s my boyfriend ! ” she exclaimed “Quick, use the backdoor” .

Now it’s at about this time...

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If r/Jokes posts were like YouTube videos

Joke title: IS THIS THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE?

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Before we share the joke we want to remind you tha...

The Backdoor Chicken

Once there was a farmer who was very annoyed by one of his chickens
He called him the Backdoor Chicken

Whenever he puts him in a barn, he comes out from the backdoor

He tried putting him in a cage, but he came out of the backdoor

He locked the chicken in a room, again came ou...

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“My husband just wants to have sex all the time”

Vented the recently married woman to her sister, “it’s every day like clockwork he gets home from work, takes off his clothes at the doorstep and says “I’m home honey let’s hit the sack”. Don’t get my wrong I love him and the sex is good but I need a break I can barely walk””

Then the sister ...

I was driving with my backdoor open.

To close it, I accelerated at speedbumps. That way the door will close from the shock.
I got fired because the patient fell from the ambulance...

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two guys go fishing every weekend. one weekend one of them doesn't show up.

The next weekend when he shows up they load up the boat go out in the middle of lake and start fishing. One fisherman turns the other one and says "hey buddy what happened to you last week?"

The fisherman shrugs and says "I got married and went on my honeymoon"

The first fisherman look...

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeri...

"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"

"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"

What do you call it when your computer gets infected with a keylogger, a rootkit and half a dozen backdoors?

A free upgrade

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Why do hackers like anal?

They always go through the backdoor

Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...

Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the backdoor.

A man walks into a pet shop and sees a dog for $10,000

"Why does the dog cost that much?", asked the man. The owner replies, "This dog can do karate. Here, watch."

The owner then walks to a table and speaks to the dog, "Karate this table". The dog lifts a paw and in one swift movement cuts the table into two.

As the man looks on in shock, ...

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Guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and notices a big jar full of money behind the counter.

He asks the bartender, “Hey man, what’s that jar? I bet there’s at least one grand in there!”

“Ah, you must be new here. It’s a challenge. If you put in fifty bucks, and then succeed at three tasks, you get all the money inside the jar.”

“Really? Man, what a tourist trap! Do people act...

What do Bill Cosby and a burglar have in common?

They both wait until you're asleep, then come in the backdoor.

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A man walks into a bar.

The sign read “Free beer if you can pass our test!”

Curious, the man asks the bartender how he can win free beer. The bartender replies “First, you gotta down this entire bottle of pepper tequila, and you can’t make a face while doing it. Next, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth. ...

1st day at College

It was my first day at College, the class was full of students, I was late for 5 minutes and couldn't find an empty chair to sit on, the master told me to go to the next class and grab a chair, I went to the door next it was full of students as well, asked if I can grab a chair, all the students lau...

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I Believe

Many people say there isn't a Santa Claus, but I definitely believe. I saw Santa with my own two eyes. I caught him in our house when I was 6.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom bent over the table reaching for the cookies I helped make for Santa. Right behind my mom was good 'Ol Santa,...

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Why Does A Penis Have Such A Difficult Life?

His closest friends are nuts, his backdoor neighbor is an asshole, and he has to regularly take a beating.

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Anal sex is like hacking.

You go in through the backdoor and hope a log isn't found.

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So I was having sex with this woman...

I had bent her over the kitchen table, giving it to her good. All of a sudden, we hear a car enter the garage.
"Oh no, that's my husband! Quick, use the backdoor!"


Well I probably should have left at this point, but it's not an offer you get everyday.

A man and woman were having fun in bedroom

But suddenly the husband comes home.


"Oh god no, my husband's home. Quickly take your stuff and get out."


And the woman exits from the backdoor.

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When I was a kid, my aunt told me men are a pain in the ass (OC)

Now I understand why her nickname was backdoor girl.

I didn't pay my electricity company for like 4 months

They were furious and told me they'd send a thug over.

When I saw the guy at my front door I quickly escaped through my backdoor hiding in my neighbour's garden.

The neighbour's kid Billy was playing outside and he told me that he knew what was happening.

If I didn't pay Billy 1...

I tried to break into the Apple Store but...

...the backdoor was locked and they didn't have any windows

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Why does the NSA only do anal?

Because they backdoor their way into everything.

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a mathematician look at a church...

They watch as two people enter the church. Later, three people exit.
"A wonder!", shouts the philosopher.
The physicist just says: "Nah, there must be a backdoor somewhere."
The philosopher nods, satisfied with the explanation.

Suddenly, the mathematician says: "Hey! If one of us goe...

The Barbershop

So the other day I walked into a barbershop,

The barber came up to me and asked," Hey how can I help you sir??"

I told him that, " I just need a short cut" as I walked across his store and

right out through the backdoor

What do you do when your Apple device gets warm?

Ask apple to open the backdoor.

A physicist, a biologist, a programmer, and a mathematician ....

are sitting at a café across from an empty building.

They observe two people enter and then, later, three leave.

The physicist says, "Apparently there was some error with our measurements."

The biologist says, "Obviously, they reproduced while in the building."

The math...

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A guy walks into the bathroom at a bar

He sees a tiny man standing on a stool taking a piss. As he walks up to a urinal he looks over and can't help but notice this tiny man has a monster member. The tiny man looks up and asks
"Wtf are you looking at?"
The man responds "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice....that"
"Well," t...

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the great fishing expedition...

husband plans fishing trip with his family. the day of the trip comes and his wife yells from the kitchen "it's raining, i'm not going". he walks downstairs and says sternly, "listen lady, either you come on this fucking fishing trip, you're sucking my dick or I get to slip it in your backdoor... so...

A kid goes to a party...

A kid goes to party…

When he arrives, he is immediately stopped at the front door by a large group of people who, like him, are all trying to get inside. He can hear the music so he waits, thinking the party just started. Well, ten minutes go by and nothing really changes. Everyone seems to ...

Dancing in the kitchen.

Two neighbors have the hots for each other. So one afternoon when their spouses are away they are having it off. Afterwards they are having a smoke in the bed and she asks him if it was everything he imagined it would be.

"It was alright, but I must say you are pretty wide."

"What do ...

Lost in the Desert

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the...

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Three idiots, from the Midwest, I’ll have to call them idiots because their shenanigans were exactly that, idiotic...

Nothing to do with them being from the Midwest but more to do with the fact that they were midway into their cups.

One summer day as they lay in a field somewhere, taking in some sun, each with a half drunk bottle of wine in them they began to get bored.

Idiot No #1 says to idiots, #2 ...

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The Jar in the Bar

So a man goes out to meet his buddies at a new bar. When he arrives, the first thing he sees is a giant glass jar in the far corner of the room, 7 feet by 6 feet, packed to the brim with $10 bills.

He sits down and asks his buddies, "What's with the jar?"
"No idea" responds his friend, s...

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A couple is getting ready to go out for the evening...

They call a cab, and finish getting ready to go. They cover their pet parrot's cage with a blanket and put the cat out the backdoor. Their cab pulls up outside. They're walking out the door when the cat slips in the door from around the back of the house. The wife continues on to the cab while the h...

Three criminals are on the run from the law...

when they stumble onto a farm just before nightfall and decide to lay low in the barn until the heat is off. Just when they decide to leave, the farmer (after hearing reports on the radio of thieves on the loose) comes outside and sits down at the main entrance to guard the property with his shotgun...

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