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Detour Jokes

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It’s clean

So I worked late last night, and when I left I detoured 2 blocks to buy a newspaper. While walking to my car,, a young lady was coming the other way and as we were passing, she said “You look a little lonely. Want some company?” Now this was no tenderloin district, so I was surprised and asked if I ...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.


One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.


Gladys, the innovator s...

I took a detour on the way home yesterday. Took me through 8 traffic circles,

but it got me where I was going, in a roundabout way.

Two Nuns

Two nuns are riding their bikes across the village back to the convent when they come up to construction in the road.

They are forced to take a detour down an old stone paved street. One nun looks around and says to the other, “I don’t think I’ve ever come this way before.”

And the oth...

My old man got admitted to a psychiatric hospital today. He had set up a traffic detour through his house.

I should have seen it coming, all the signs were there.

What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?

R2 Detour.

A panda walked into the restaurant where I work as a server.

He came in, found a table and sat down. Hesitantly, I approached and took his order. He ordered sooo much food. He ordered at least one of every entree. I faithfully took notes and read them back to him. Satisfied, he sent me away to give the orders to the kitchen staff.
I took a detour to ask m...

A young lady and an older one were riding through town in the same carriage.

The older lady asked the younger if she wouldn't mind taking a detour down the cobblestone road which runs past the old church. The younger lady had no objection, and the older directed the driver, who turned at the appointed street. Unlike the brick of the main streets, however, the cobblestone roa...

A Texan goes to Australia for vacation...

... while there, he takes a tour with a local guide. While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. "In Texas, we have wheat fields twice as large!" They then drive past a herd of cattle. "Our long horns are at least twice that large in Texas!" the Texan drawls. The guide is becoming...

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[NSFW] Joke I found in a vintage porno from the 1930's.

So this is a simple time where men are men and women are women.

Tommy is on a date with Stacy and takes a long detour 10 miles outside of town. He propositions her for sex, and if she doesn't put out she can walk home.

Stacy walks home.

A second date happens as Tommy proceeds to...

The Space Cat

NASA had run out of monkeys to send to space so they decided to start recruiting cats. However most of the cats seemed more interested in the fabric on the walls than the training courses. But 1 cat stood above them all this one cat outshined all the monkeys that were sent to space so on the big day...

Two nuns ride their bicycles to the monastery.

The older nun suggested a detour through an old little street.

After they arrived, the second nun exclaimed: "I never came this way!"

The first one smiles and explains: "It's the cobblestones."

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[Long] World's Greatest Peaches!

John was driving across country and see a sign that reads, "World's Greatest Peaches! 100 miles." As John continues to drive he sees another sign that reads, "World's Greatest Peaches! 50 miles." As he keeps driving his stomach growls and he sees another sign, "World's Greatest Peaches! 10 miles." S...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

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A joke i heard a while back

An Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman are walking down a road to the pub, as they usually do. When they decide to take a detour and past the fly cave everyone talks about. As they get outside the cave they see a man, that ushers them over. So they go over and he propositions them. Saying "If any...

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