Two dictators are arguing about whose army is more obedient.

They walk to the edge of the cliff and call a soldier over. Putin commands his soldier to jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children."

Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier is about to jump when Putin grabs his ar...

Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator

Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?

Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can’t guarantee

when a dictator's son visit the ZOO

when the manager of a Zoo heard that the president (Dictator) and his son are coming for a visit

he went and called one of his worker and asked him to wear a Deer costume and sit in their place because all of them died and the dictator president's son love Deers.

when the president cam...

What do you call Russia's dictator when he's mad?

Put-out.

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Once a dictator chose a musician to compose a piece of music.

The musician not wanting to displease the dictator accepted the offer.

One month after the day came. The orchestra shited in the name of music. The dictator got furious and gave him a death sentence. They gave him a spicy curry as his last wish. He sat on the electric chair. They electrocuted...

What do you call a military dictator killed by a stick of dynamite?

Napoleon Blown-aparte.

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

Robert Mugabe, an unpopular dictator from an African nation, visited Israel with his top government officials.

Unfortunately, he died during the visit. The Israelis offered to bury him in Israel for free, explaining that it will save money that can be used to help the poor people of his country. His entourage discussed the proposition and declined the offer saying that they'd rather bring back the remains of...

What's the fastest way to become the greatest Dictator in the world?

Fail art school.

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

What do you call it when a Russian dictator procrastinates?

Stalin’

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What was a nazi dictator ship other than 1940s Germany?

The Bismarck

Did you hear about the chicken who became dictator.

It started with a coo.

My wife is like a communist dictator...

She makes me pay for everything and do everything for her.

But I'm too scared to leave and I daren't say no to her, so I just keep my head down and politely respond to her demands with 'yes Stalin.'

What Italian dictator is either the strongest, or the fishiest?

Benito Muscle-ini or Benito Mussel-ini

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, “I’ve got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, “Why blue?”

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What do you call a potato that looks like a penis?

A dictator.


What do you call a regular looking potato?

A commentator.


There are two potatoes standing on the side of the road, how do you tell which one is the hooker?

The one that says Idaho on it.

I’ve been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator.

Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.

Why is the North Korean dictator so evil?

Because he has no Seoul.

Life hacks from Secretary Stalin, don’t dress for the job you want. Use the job you have to create a totalitarian dictatorship to crush your enemies.

*this joke exists because I found out Stalin’s title during his reign was Secretary. During the power struggles his opponents wanted to give him a menial job to side line him. But he realized he controlled who got invitations to meeting, what was on the agenda, and when they should happen. Leading t...

What is a dictators best magic trick?

They make people disappear.

How does the Roman dictator know that the girl is wearing a red dress?

He Caesar

Do you know about that fascist dictator who decided to hit the gym and got some awesome gains?

Benito Muscle-ini

What did the citizen say to the dictator?

Please stop "stalin" and feed us.





seriously

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I once attended a 50s music themed table tennis festival in a far east country, hosted by an Asian dictator where all the participants were dressed as famous movie gorillas...

It was Kim Jongs Honk Kong Honky Tonk King Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong

I'll see myself out.

Who’s the funniest dictator?

LMAO Zedong

Hey, dictators! Moving the Earth further from the sun will keep you in power. Why?

Because it will take longer to make one full revolution.

A dictator walks into a bar...

He orders everybody shots.

What do you call it when a Cambodian dictator opens up a restaurant in his Cannabis plantation?

Pol Pot's Pot Plot Hot Pot.

What do you call a Roman dictator having an epileptic fit?

Julius Seizure

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

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In the afterlife, Dictators are lining up in heavens gate to be judged

St. Peter: Ok Stalin, you're next!

Stalin: It's ok Hitler, you can go first!

(After Hitler)

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Saddam!

( after Saddam )

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Marcos!

St. Peter: what's wrong with him?

Mar...

A Russian dictator is stuck for an excuse as to why he shouldn't resign...

"Hey! Quit Stalin!"

What is every cats favourite Dictator?

Mao.

The country of Ohms is run by a brutal dictator.

Due to the suppression of their rights, the citizens of Ohms frequently rise up and attempt to storm the gates of the capital city. However, the dictator always has just the right number of mercenaries to repel the rebels and cause the survivors to disperse for a few months or so.

The dictat...

If Santa was an evil dictator, what weapon would he use to rule the world?

Nuclear Missiletoe

Why does the dictator like to go shopping in the early morning?

Because he loves to beat the crowds.

What did the Russian dictator say to his guards when spies came to assassinate him

Stalem

Dictator: We don't like people thinking our government is authoritarian

Don't think that please


And that's an order

Do you know what a dictator is?

An evil tater tot.

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A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians...

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piec...

Why are there no baby dictators?

They can't control their armies!

Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?

He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.

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Why did ISIS kill the man who had sex with communist dictators?

He was in fidel

How do dictators travel on the sea?

In dictatorships.

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What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

2 presidents and 1 dictator are in a helicopter flying over a poor village.

President 1- Look! I would drop this 100$ bill and make a family happy.

Dictator- What if you throw 2 50$ bills, and make 2 families happy?

President 2- What if you throw yourself and make your country happy?

Why did the dictator ban carousel rides in his country?

He deemed them revolutionary.

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

I don't see how someone could mourn the loss of a Chinese dictator.

It just seems unbereaveable to me.

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A dictator takes over a village...

He says, "Everyone who is not in a relationship, you are free to go. As for everyone else, stay here." The people do what he says.

The dictator continues, "All the men, get in a line and get naked, all of the women, get a blindfold." The townspeople follow procedure.

The dictator then...

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The infamous dictators meet to discuss their plans

All the infamous dictators meet to discuss their plans.

They all discuss what they are going to do, turn by turn


Eventually, it is Hitler's turn. Hitler says, "I will kill six million Jews and two clowns"

Everyone asks him, "Why two clowns?"

Then, Hitler responds, "Se...

What Is a Dictator Dinosaur Called

Tyrant-O-Saurus

What do you call a dictator running a bookshop?

The Supreme Reader.

What's a dictator's least favourite band?

The Guerillaz

What's a cat's favorite dictator?

Mao

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Me and my girlfriend were going to a Halloween party last year and my girlfriend came down the stairs wearing nothing but boots.

I asked her “What are you suppose to be?” She said, “Puss in boots.” So I went into the kitchen and put a potato on my penis. When I came back out, she asked me, “What are you suppose to be?” I said, “If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator…”

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.

News: Trump would be “honoured” to meet North Korean dictator.

“He’s my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut.” Said North Korea’s dictator.

If Chef Boyardee was a dictator what would he name his secret police?

Gazpacho

Russian dictators are the best.

They’re the crème de la Kremlin!

Which African Dictator extorts flying insects

Robert Mug-a-bee

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Hitler hires a new cook

Before taking up the job he is told there are 2 main requirements - Making good healthy food for the dictator and never interfering in his policies.

On his first day he finds out about all of Hitler's preferences, likes and dislikes. With all of that in mind he makes everything as expected e...

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

(90's Dictator Joke) So Clinton, Blair and Mubarak are playing ball in Egypt

They kick the ball and it falls into the crocodile-infested Nile. Clinton says, "Not to worry, one of our marines will get it back", and he asks a marine to go get it. The Marine sees the crocodiles fighting each other and says, "Sorry, I have a family and kids I want to raise". So Tony Blair goes, ...

What do you call an authoritarian couch potato?

A dictator tot

What do you call a bully who rules the playground with an iron fist?

A dictator-tot.

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Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini were on a boat.

It was quite a powerful dictator ship.

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

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The dictator forced everyone to work in the butter industry.

Some men just want to watch the world churn.

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Dictate...

A teacher asks the class, "Can anyone use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" One kid responds, "Hitler was a mean dictator." The teacher says, "Very good, but we're not learning the word 'dictator,' just 'dictate'." Another student pipes up, "The secretary typed while the boss dictated!" The tea...

What is my age ?

The new mathematics school teacher on the very first day asks a very complicated question.

Teacher: Let me see if you can answer this question :

"A train in Russia covers a distance of 600 kilometres in 4 hours . A bomber flies over a City in the Middle East and drops a huge bomb. A...

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

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Two men are sitting in a bar...

One man looks at the other and says "Wanna hear joke?"

"Sure"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator!"

"Hahaha that's pretty good, but I have a better one. What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one!"...

Dictator

Who's the dictator who loves playing card games?

Kim Jong Uno.

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

Why did the dictator's plane crash?

It was stallin'

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