Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

Harry & Hermione go to Hogsmeade

Since school had started back up in September, hogsmeade visits once again became something to look forward to.

There was the 2nd week of September and then, luckily, one on Hermione's Birthday, just in time to buy her something nice.

Things the next month were the same as usual; Harry...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What did Harry Potter say when Hermione kicked him in the balls?

RESPECTO MY SCROTUM!

What does Hermione say when Weasley gets knocked out?

Keep calm and carry Ron.

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

Why won't you ever find Harry, Hermione or Ron crying in front of the rest of the school?

Cuz, they belong to the bravest house.
They don't cry publicly; they Grief-indoor.

What did Hermione Granger say to her friend that mispronounced their order at an Indian restaurant?

It’s samOsa not samoSA

Hermione doesn't receive her mail from Hograwrts

She grows older

Gets married

Has a son

And one day her son picks up a mail and reads it...

He rushes to Hermione and says

You are a Witch mother

and Hermione replies in shock

EMMA WAT SON???

Harry Potter finally got to sleep with Hermione but he had some regrets

He got hog warts

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Harry potter and Hermione are talking

Harry: Hermione, im gay.

Hermione: Are you fucking kidding?

Harry: No im fucking sirius.

If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named?

Hermitwo and Hermithree.

What did Hermione's boyfriend do when he heard she was pregnant?

He ron off.

Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

He was looking at all the Ron places

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

How does Hermione deal with constipation?

EXPELLIANUS!

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Harry says to Hermione: "Hey Hermione, guess how I got my dick to be 12 inches?"

Hermione sarcastically responds: "I don't know Harry... Magic?"

Harry: "I folded it in half."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What did Hermione do when she was horny?

Cauldron

Why can't Emma Watson ever play Hermione Granger again?

'Cos once you go black, you never go back.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?

Thanks for the gold kind Granger!

Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

The Gryffindor trio went for a roadtrip.

Halfway there, Harry realised him being the driver forgot to check the meter.

"What were you thinking?", Ron & Hermione exclaimed.

*"Expecto Petroleum?"*

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Lollies

Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione stop into Bertie Bott's shop one day. Bertie says, "I've been working on a new product called Every Flavour Lollies and I'm giving out free samples. And they have an extra surprise feature. Which flavour would you like to try?"

Ron gets a big smile and says, ...

Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?

Offshore investment gains a better return.

Ron and I are teaming up for a 3 member mission

Harry: Ron and I are teaming up for a 3 member mission, and are looking for a second person, would you like to join us?

Hermione: Uhh... Do you mean a third person?

Harry: Ron is 3rd person, I is first person, you is second person

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